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Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Be Nice, But Not the Nice Guy

“Nice guys finish last”

We’ve all heard this age-old aphorism and more often than not, we find that it’s commonly true. It seems so unfair. Why should “Nice Guys” be punished for being good members of society?

Welp, I hate to break it to you, but the statement IS true. Nice Guys do indeed finish last.

But why?

Well lets see…what is a “nice guy” anyways? Well aside from being friendly, I think we can safely assign some other characteristics that are pretty common among nice guys. Nice guys:

  • Usually look out for the interest of others first
  • Don’t step on others toes
  • Avoid Conflict
  • Shy away from causing unrest

That’s just the beginning of myriad of characteristics we could name, but let’s just go with these to make it simple.

So why do these characteristics lead to a lack of success? Basically, all of these qualities lead to a lack of initiative. In order to take initiative, you need to be unafraid of a little conflict. That’s not to say you should start conflict, but you need to be unafraid of a little social discomfort.

But let’s look at some real world examples. Usually we always think about Nice Guys never getting the girl. All girls say they want to end up with a nice guy, but that’s actually untrue.

Girls see nice guys as boring and uninteresting. Sorry to break it to you, but it’s true. What they really want is a guy who is respectful and honest, but is not afraid to test and challenge them. While a nice guy may put a girl on a pedestal, a “non-nice guy” treats her as a partner in crime.

I am NOT a “nice guy.”

I am extremely friendly and get along with everyone but I have a mischievous streak. I’m obviously good-natured and people seem to appreciate my teasing. I love talking about anything and everything including topics which most people would be afraid to touch.

Women respond to emotional arousal. A nice guy doesn’t generate this. He’s simply too nice. A Bad-ass does, but usually girls tire of “bad-assness” after a while. You stimulate emotional arousal by being interesting, conversationally free, confident, and challenging. These are qualities that nice-guys generally lack because they are too concerned with preserving status-quo comfort levels.

The opposite of Love is not Hate. It’s indifference. And indifference is a common feeling surrounding nice-guy interactions.

The only way to BUILD comfort though is by actively exhibiting the aforementioned qualities. With girls, this is the difference between being just another friend, or someone they are romantically interested in. With other guys, this is the difference between being a just another friend, or someone that we actively want to hang out with and invite out. Where a nice guy doesn’t really change the group dynamic,

The misconception is that the only way to move up in the world is to be a douche-bag and not care about anyone else.

Not true at all.

You can still be nice, respectful, and caring, but in order to move up, you need to be unafraid of situations in which emotional reactions may result. That includes challenging others, and standing up for your ideas. By not being overly agreeable, you earn respect, especially when you defend your thoughts with poise, humor, and good-naturedness.

Coincidentally, this is also a major factor in being Charming. My Specialty ;)

It’s true, nice people can finish first…just don’t be the nice guy.

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