The Stage-2 Clinger

I think we'd all agree that male-female relationships and interactions are pretty interesting. In almost all cases, men and women take common roles in these relationships. Man talks to woman, woman accepts, man eventually calls woman, man takes woman out...the average progression of a relationship. In most cases, the relationship fizzes out at some point. Why? Either the man or woman loses interest. And what does he or she do when they lose interest? They stop calling/returning phone calls.

Ocassionally we encounter what is referred to as the "clinger." Who is the clinger? The clinger is the person who refuses to let go of a relationship, despite what the other half may think or do. They can be men or women, but either way, no one wants one in a relationship.

Well friends, I have on my hands a stage-2 clinger.

What is a stage-2 clinger you ask? Let me define stages 1 & 3 of this syndrome first, then I will get to my little situation. Before I go on, let me put in a little disclaimer that this is obviously from a male's point of view, and I know good and well that there are plenty of male clingers out there (probably more than female), so don't get up in arms at my critisism.

The Stage-1 Clinger: The stage-1 clinger is generally not that bad, and can sometimes be a little cute at first. This is the girl who doesn't really want to let you go when you first meet her. If she's going to get a drink, she'll pull you along. Looking at another girl? She'll pull you back before you can even get a once over. She'll follow you around, and if you don't ask for her number, she'll ask for yours.

The Stage-3 Clinger: This is big trouble and calls for swift ejection! This is generally the girl who you've gone out with a couple of times and thinks she's in love with you! She gets mad that you haven't changed your myspace status to "in a relationship." She calls to find out where you are and why you haven't called her. Keep in mind this is generally in the first week or two of dating! Stage-3 is unreformable and calls for a clean break.

Now on to my little stage-2 clinger. For identity protection, we'll call her "Jessica." I met this girl last week at Belo(yes the same night as my little kidnapping adventure). She's this cute Latina girl who's, I think, 21.

Things are going well, we're dancing, chatting, and *cough* possibly making out a little *cough*. She was a little "stage-1" that night but nothing I couldn't handle. As the night begins coming to a close, I realize that I'm not going to be persuing anything more for a couple of reasons:

Strike 1: She lives in San Ysidro. For those of you who don't know, San Ysidro is basically the U.S.'s version of Tijuana. Its right on the border, and if you don't know spanish, you'd have a hard time living there.

Strike 2: She lives with her Mom, Dad, and Sister. Not something I really want to deal with.

So anyways, I can't get her number (which btw, I was doing just as a formality becuase I knew she'd be upset if I didn't) because my phone is dead so I give her mine. Big mistake.

This week I've gotten 1 text message, 1 voice mail, and 3 missed calls none of which I have returned! This is the stage-2 clinger.

Stage-2 Clinger: After the first meeting, she calls you as if you are already in a relationship. An unreturned voicemail just means to call again.

Honestly, I feel pretty bad about this because there's nothing fundamentally wrong with her. She was nice enough, and she was cute, but she just has some things I don't want to do deal with. In fact, I was thinking about calling her back and going out with her once just for HER sake, then I realized how silly of an idea this was.

I know girls do this all the time, but I honestly feel bad whenever I blow off a girl. It is though, the easiest way to end something with minimal feelings being hurt. If I took her out once, THEN never called her, she'd feel even worse!

So the multiple calls was strike 3 and she's out. Stage-2 status carries a high probability of stage-3 escalation which I really don't want to deal with. I pray she doesn't find my myspace profile and click on the link to this page because I would HATE for her to read this article.

So boys and girls, please try not to be clingers, and if you experience any of the symptoms described above, slap yourself across the face and tell yourself "I am not this needy!!!" And for those of you who encounter clingers, be careful. Its a tough problem to fix, and getting out without hurting anyone's feelings can be tough.

Maybe this is something I should learn to deal with though...afterall, it is me, and who wouldn't want to cling to ME?