Arun is Bringing You...Your Daily Remedy

Monday, September 24, 2007

Anna Kournikova, Maria Sharapova, and Me

I'm sure you've all heard of my friends, Anna Kournikova and Maria Sharapova.

Ok ok...So maybe I'm stretching a tad (and by stretching a tad I mean stretching the truth so thin that it's basically transparent) by calling them "friends," but I have had personal encounters with each of them that few will ever have.

Let's start with Anna.

Back in high school, I used to visit Montreal quite often as my sister attended University there and Montreal happens to be one of the coolest cities in the world. So one year, we decided to plan our trip so it coincided with a big tennis tournament held there, formerly called the "Du Marier."

My Anna happened to be entered...What a nice coincidence!

Aside from watching the matches, it was fun to roam around the grounds and watch players warm up and practice. A lot of players were driven around to the practice courts on golf carts, and others walked with security. If you were lucky, you might be able to catch a glimpse of them as crowds of people surrounded as they walked to the practice court.

I was more than lucky...actually, I think she was subconsciously attracted to my gravitational charm :)

So I'm standing around near some courts, kind of oblivious to anything going on. Suddenly I hear this low, loud, and somewhat muddled voice barking at random pedestrians to step aside.

I, thinking I was already out of the way and not wanting to move excessively for risk of being personally smashed by the Sumo King of Canada, stood still as he thundered by right next to me.

Then I am rudely bumped in the back by someone! Before I get a chance to turn, hoards of people are running towards me!

At first I was shocked and scared, but then I realized that this type of fame is price I must pay for being ME!

As I turned to see who accidentally crashed into me, I felt a strange sense of chemical electricity and passion. As I met eyes with aforementioned offender, I was struck speechless! (hard to believe, I know)

Anna was smiling sympathetically into my eyes. She quickly apologized to me for her clumsiness and gave me a couple of autographs. She then gazed back deep into my soul and smiled flirtatiously.

Anna, being the extremely dedicated player that she is, fought of her urge to ravage me right then and there, and continued on to the tennis court. I was left stunned. It takes an extremely focused athlete to resist the animal-like instinct of attraction that we shared for those brief moments.

Interestingly, my fans who had previously rushed over and surrounded my area, left and followed Anna as she continued on to the practice court. Perhaps they wanted to let me enjoy my vacation in privacy?

Now onto Maria Sharapova.

When I used to work as a Floor Supervisor at the Tennis Warehouse we used to, on occasion, get orders from professional tennis players. Supervisors were only allowed to handle these orders because each player had a special code that we'd verify and ensure they got a discount. Most of the players that ordered stuff were lower ranked (as higher ranked players get everything for free anyways).

I did manage to talk to some names that tennis fans would recognize such as Mashiska Washington (Malivai's brother), Richie Reneberg, and Mark Phillipoussis' Dad.

Despite the fact that top players very rarely called to order stuff, it did happen some times, and we had a list of the top 500 Mens and Womens players who were privy to discounted merchandise. We were sent an updated list every month by the official Mens and Womens Tennis tours (ATP and WTA respectively).

Well one time the WTA messed up. They sent us the list, but instead of including just the players name, ranking, and verification code, it included information such as email, mailing address, and phone numbers of the top female tennis players.

Suffice to say, we disposed of this list immediately...well almost immediately.

Me being the curious guy that I am, decided to verify the authenticity of this list. Who better to verify with than Maria Sharapova! I called and the conversation went like this:

Arun: "Hi! Is this Maria?"
Maria: "Yes it is. I'm sorry, who is this?"

At this point of the conversation I'm incredibly flustered as I didn't really expect to talk to her.

Arun:"'re Maria Shablahblahblay (making up some crazy last name)"
Maria: "Oh no...I think you have the wrong number."
Arun: "Oh I'm sorry! Have a great day!"
Maria: "You too"

Despite the dull content of the conversation, I could sense the underlying tone of desire in her voice. I could've had her right then and there, but I didn't want her to have to deal with the stress of having a man like me so far away.

To this day I still have her number. I've only ever called it one other time. It's more the novelty of having it than actually using it.

The one time I called was after I saw her play a match in San went straight to her voice mail and I left no message.

Worry not though Dear Maria. No one else has, or will ever get your number from me! After all, it's no longer a novelty if everyone has it!

Maybe some day I'll call her again. Maybe not. When I become rich and famous, maybe I'll invite my little Russian tennis players on a Caribbean Cruise aboard my yaht...just Anna Kournikova, Maria Sharapova, and Me :)


Anonymous said...

Maria Sloan , Ireland
hahaha i loved this your one lucky guy especially for having marias number omg!!!!! i wud kill for that lol the 2 tennis beauties and you've got ones number and one bumped you in the back lucky. but seriously maria omg :( i want it lol i wudve took her email and everything lol do you think she suspected anything ?

Arun said...

No she wouldn't suspect anything other than a wrong number. I've only ever called twice and spoken with her once, so for her it's probably nothing unusual. I really should've coppied the entire book of contact info! I actually do remember Serena and Venus Williams' email addys but never sent them anything.

Someone needs to come up with a way for me to call Maria and seduce her into going out with me...maybe I should send her a picture message to show off my devilsih good looks??? :)

..sarah said...

hey hey! it's sarah from j6bar. found your blog, finally! something remedy, my remedy, your remedy, blah blah.

.. pretty entertaining sh!t you have here.

enjoy the san diego sun for me!