The Move of Mayhem

I am never moving again.

Ok, ok. Maybe that's a little extreme, but I HATE moving! I had been dreading the arrival of Saturday all week, and it finally came with a vengeance!

Me being me, the totally nonchalant, worry-free sort of person that I am, did ZERO preparation for the move. I moved to a place that's only a block away, so I figured I'd just run back and fourth making lots of quick dumps.

In my "back and fourth" calculations, I somehow neglected to account for a few little obstacles.

Obstacle 1: Getting my crap from the third floor, all the way down to the basement. Sure there's an elevator, but certain things don't fit in the elevator which brings me to:

Obstacle 2: We own big, HEAVY-ASS stuff! For safety purposes, I don't recommend carrying huge sofa's and 200 pound armoires down four flights of stairs...or up for that matter:

Obstacle 3: Getting my from the basement garage of the new place, up to the fourth floor.

Luckily we could fit most of the stuff into the elevator, but getting things like the goliath couch in and out, and around different bends was insanely hard! First off, its a pretty new leather couch so accidentally scrapping it on the ground or on a corner is not an option. Luckily, behind Jeff and I's modelesque looks and charming personality lies some serious brain power.

Yes, we were able to geometrically deduce the proper moving angles of various sensitive furniture (leather couch, chaise lounge chair, armoire etc.) in order to maximize efficiency while minimizing damage...to the furniture that is.

I can't say that neither of us escaped unscathed. Jeff temporarily threw his back out trying to lift a box of hard covered text books. I had a little scare myself.

While moving stuff from outside into the apartment, I decided I could take on Jeff's gargantuan old-school TV myself. I had seen Jeff and Frederico struggling with that beast earlier and that was with TWO of them.

By this point, I was extremely tired and not thinking entirely straight. So, I did a couple of warmup flexes to get my muscles ready but more to get my confidence in my supreme, Hulk-like strength up, and went to lift.

I managed to get the TV up, and as I was standing up, I heard (and felt) a "rrrrrippppp."

Me Standing there with the TV Thinking: "Oh God, what was that! Was that my back? Well I don't feel any pain (other than my muscles begging for mercy to drop the TV)"

I then felt a nice, cool, draft between my legs. Yes, in my powerlift of the TV, my old gym shorts could not contain my massive butt-muscles as they strained for dear life.

Once I got the TV in, I examined the damage. HUGE split down the middle seam. Actually, I think they split because my shorts got caught on the rough outside wall as I was lifting the TV. Yes, I was a little disappointed that they didn't actually split as a result of my rock solid ass, but rather my dim-witted plan to move the TV on my own.

I was forced to waddle my was back to my car to avoid mooning my new neighbors.

We eventually finished the move at 2 in the morning. I don't think I've ever been so deliriously tired. Now my place is in mass disarray with stuff everywhere! You didn't really realize how much stuff you have, until you move.

On the bright side, the new place is awesome! My room is HUGE. The complex amenities are awesome as well. Four swimming pools, Bi-weekly parties, Game room. movie theater, Gym, Yoga classes (which I'm definitely going to be doing), and Pool parties! To add to the fun, I worked out a little deal which makes it CHEAPER than my old place.

I'm still extremely sore from the move, but I trust a visit to the hot tub and a nice yoga class should alleviate my pain!