Facebook, Twitter, and Status Litter

"Susie is: Going to the beach with my Bubby to cuddle!"

"John: has the best Schmoopy ever...I win!"

"Sarah is: beach, swim, lunch with Scotty-too-hotty, spa, massage, drinks with the girls, pack for Jamaica!"

The world today has many problems: The economy, Swine flu, Terrorism...and online status litter. Although I am admittedly well-integrated into the world of online social networking, I rarely find an occasion to provide a stream-of-conciousness insight to my life that has become the Facebook (or twitter) status update.

Any rational person realizes how nausea-inducing some of these status updates are.

First we have the POLDA offenders (Public On-Line Display of Affection). As it is, I'm not a fan of seeing people sucking face while I'm walking through the park or waiting at the bar for a drink. Now they have invaded my HOME!

POLDAers seem to think they can skirt around normal PDA by simply using cuddly phrases like "I have the best Snookums ever!"

Ding Dong, Your Wrong!

I'm not sure if they're trying to publicly validate their relationship by showing people how much they love each other or what, but seriously, when you see someone nearly everyday, what other reason can there be for advertising to the world how "lovey wuvvy" your relationship is?

Yes I have friends that do this and they are solidly on my POLDA-LOVI-WUVI (Public On-Line Display of Affection - List Of Vomit Inducing - Willfully Unacceptable Viral Indecencies).

Although we can still be friends if you are on my POLDA-LOVI-WUVI, you should know that I thoroughly disapprove of your online shenanigans.

Aside from the POLDAers, we also have the people who feel the need to put their daily agenda up for the world to see.

"Jenny: ran 5 miles, was fed lunch by the Awesome Committee, beach, massage, and getting ready for the yacht party!"

Ok...I get it. Jenny, your life is awesome and I'm jealous. These people post daily highlights that make them sound like a retired rock star. Either that, or they post a laundry list of incredibly mundane activities which are even worse to read.

Others prefer to bombard the online community with hourly (or even minutely) updates as to what they're doing/thinking/wanting/hating/eating/watching etc.

How about the sympathy update? Things like "Michelle is having an awful day :(" These always get the desired response of attention with like people responding asking what's wrong and what they can do. If it's a hot chick, there'll be 10 responses with 7 of them male.

Occasionally people use the status update as it was meant to be used: to post interesting blurbs about something cool you're doing that will make others chuckle or take interest.

That's what I usually go for (although my status updates are few and far between). Yes, it's a strict code to live by - but all in the name of lifetime awesomeness!