Airplane!

Airplanes are one of the greatest inventions ever. They get us places near and far in very little time. I must say though, I have quite the love-hate relationship with airplane travel. True, they are fast, but a plethora of annoyances come along with them. Allow me to rant.

1. First class. Oh those damn first class passangers. You wait, wait, wait, then finally board the plane. Strolling through, at least 50% of them are doing something with their smart phones. In the other hand is a drink that I know I'll have to wait another 45 minutes to get.

Occassionally I get seated near the front of the plane. I lean over to peer into first class and what happens? *swish!* Curtains closed! Apparently the sight of us meer coach travellers is too much to bear for the first class passengers. It's not even as if the curtain blocks out sounds or anything! Want to use the bathroom in first class? Don't even think about it!

2. The Drink Cart. As nice as it is to get a free coke on the plane, the drink cart causes a myriad of problems. Ever gone to the bathroom and come out to see they are serving drinks? There's no way you're getting to you seat anytime soon. Conveniently the drink cart is just wide enough to COMPLETELY block traffic.

On the last flight I took, I was feeling really parched after boarding, but fell asleep for about half hour. I woke up and noticed the drink cart had just passed me. Damn! I had a window seat so I wasn't in a position to flag anyone down. I suppose I could have used the call button, but I have never pressed that thing in my life. Somehow, I feel like that button should just be used for emergencies.

If I'm in the aisle seat however, even if I'm asleep, I never miss the drink cart. Why? Well I have long legs, so sometimes the edge of my knee sticks into the aisle a little bit. The drink cart comes by...WHAM! Insantly awake by the all to familliar throbbing knee!

3. The fatty. Possibley the worst person you can have sitting next to you is a Fatty McFatterson. When I'm sitting in a plane before my row is filled, I always watch the people walking by to there seats, secretly hoping certain people won't sit next to me. You know what I mean.

The fatty neighbor basically ruins the whole flight! If you are unlucky enough to have forgotten to lower the arm rest separator, then you're totlally screwed...you're only getting half of your seat for the flight. Hell even if you do lower the arm rest, the fat has a way of spilling over and invading your territory.

4. The baby. I love kids and baby's but God help me I secretly lose it when they start crying uncontrollably on airplanes. Seriously, inside I'm exploding with frustration! Advice to parents, if your baby has any remote chance of starting up on the plane, don't go on the trip! Even then, you should have about five contigiency plans to get the baby to stop once on-board.

5. The bathroom. Lets just say taking a piss while there's turbulance should be a sport. It combines balance, aim, and determination. And I don't know who in their right mind would ever even consider sitting on that thing!

6. Luggage. Am I the only one who has this anxiety when waiting for my luggage of "Oh man I hope it made it!" The longer you wait, the more you are convinced that it's lost until it finally shows up (unless it really is lost which has happened to me).

6. Other issues...the pillow (seriously what is this? Its a piece of fabric stuffed with an ounce of cotton candy), the meal (which now costs EXTRA and its not cheap. As if the ticket doesn't cost enought!), the talker (sometimes on the plane, I just wanna sleep and this guy/girl can't shut up!), skymall magazine (I must admit I'm a little entertained but when the hell am I gonna need a nosehair trimmer that plays mp3's, a laser pointer that doubles as a bottle opener, or a robot patio sweeper!?), the headphone jacks that don't work right with normal headphones, so when you plug yours in, you get a blast of sound from only one ear, and finally Loud Music Guy who blasting the music in his ears that only is he going to go deaf, but I can't sleep with putting my earphones on and blasting my music just to drown his out!

Ironically, I love to travel.