The San Diego Inferno

Tuesday:

So I’m sitting in my favorite La Jolla coffee shop right now, “working from home.”

Ok, I suppose it would be more accurate to call it “half-working in coffee shop, taking a break to blog,”….minor detail. Actually, I’m usually really productive on the few days I work from home.

So why am I working from home today? Well, Carlsbad happens to be located “in the line of fire”…literally.

San Diego is burning, and North County particularly, is a little chaotic and not where I want to be right now. Yesterday, driving up to Carlsbad was very surreal. Smoke enveloped the freeway, and what would have been a normally clear day with blue skies, was overcast with smoke and everything had a red tinge as the sun fought its way through the ashes.

Looking out to the sky at work was crazy. Half the sky was blue and clear (to the north), then to the south was literally a wall of smoke…insane.

I, being particularly valuable to the San Diego Community as “Premier coupon model and witty blogger,” decided to stay away from the danger :)

My friend Bruno is an EMT/Firefighter and has been sending me crazy pictures of houses going up in flames all day.

His last text: “We broke into a house and pulled a 380 lb woman from her house. Flames were whipping up the driveway. There were burning embers the size of basketballs.”

Note to San Diego residents…when the reverse-911 calls you and tells you to evacuate, DO IT! Fire crews have been diverted from the fires because of people like our width-challenged friend that Bruno (and likely several other firefighters because he is certainly not strong enough to lift a 380 lb woman by himself) have had to be rescued.

Wednesday:

Essentially, this is day 3 of "San Diego Fire Chaos." I actually did make it to work today despite the I-5 freeway being closed in both directions north of Carlsbad.

I finally got the full story of Bruno and his "mass evacuation"...and by mass I mean a lot of mass in a single woman.

So it's middle of the night and Bruno and his partner get a call to enter Poway for emergency evacuations. Little did they know what a "heavy" task this would turn out to be.

They arrive at the first residence which is thoroughly smoking. As they walk up to the house, they're forced to dodge giant basketball-sized flaming embers, erratically blowing around.

Note, that as an EMT, they have no fire equipment, flame retardant clothing, oxygen masks, or official fire rescue training. In the midst of chaos though, any and all rescue personnel were utilized.

In an effort to break in and save the yet unseen woman, Bruno runs around the back of the well-secured home, and rips the sliding glass door off the hinges. Now however, the woman is bellowing from the front of the house.

They run to the front, and just as his partner is running towards the door to bust it down, it opens...380 lbs of immobile woman greets them with little gratitude. After harping about her need for her purse and medication, Bruno runs into the flaming inferno of clutter that is her house, and fetches her aforementioned belongings.

The next task perhaps proved to be the most difficult. Somehow, two young EMTs, neither of which are exactly power lifter status, had to get 380 lbs of fragile, old woman onto a gurney and into the ambulance.

Bruno, being a college graduate, deduces that rolling is the best solution. So, they lie her down, roll her onto the gurney, and strap her in. Sensing the enormity of the task at hand, Bruno focused, regained his energy, and positioned himself for an incredible feat of strength. They only had one shot at this, for if they failed, neither would have the energy or the strength to try again.

They positioned themselves on either side of the gurney, and squatted down in ready position. Bruno remembered the old adage of heavy lifting:

Bruno thinking: "Lift with the legs, not with the back. Lift with the legs, not with the back. Lift with the legs, not with the back."

Bruno and partner: "1....2....3...AAAAAAAHHHHHHHRRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!"

Halfway up, they almost didn't make it. The gurney shifted right. The balance was off! Bruno dug deep into his reserves and siphoned his last bit of strength to complete the lift! Yes...our healthy (and I mean HEALTHY) sized friend made it into the ambulance.

Another day, another life saved.

Thursday:
So things are starting to look better. For awhile, the fires were moving so fast, I thought we'd eventually have to evacuate, but luckily they stopped short.

I met a couple of people on Tuesday night whose houses burned down...really awful. Interestingly, although we've supposedly "turned the corner," the fires are only 10 or 15 percent contained, but I think the weather is cooperating now such that firefighters can get control.

So this week wasn't the typical adventure I plan for, but luckily, for me at least, things turned out OK.

As one who likes to adventure, I may have to become a part-time EMT...the potential for adventure is high.

The San Luis Brawl

It was a dark Tuesday night in the "quaint" little town of San Luis Obispo. Apparently Quaint went on vacation on this night.

Will, my roommate at the time, and I decide to walk over to the theater to see a movie. I didn't need much convincing since Will was an assistant manager at the theater and anytime I went with him, movies were FREE.

We get to the theater around 10:00pm and it's pretty empty. The movie by the way, SUCKED, and I don't even remember what it's called. Well, as the previews get underway, a group of six guys come in through the emergency exit door and plop their noisey butts a few rows in front.

I actually didn't notice them come in through the exit, but Will being an assistant manager and also being one who likes to "stick it" to wrongdoers, gets up and alerts the staff to these shananigans.

When he got up to take care of this, he just said "I'll be back," then came back and told me what he did. Meh...whatever. The guys ended up having to go to the front during the previews and purchase tickets. Big Deal.

After the movie, Will took me up to the booth to show me all the movie reels and stuff which was pretty cool. Then, as we got outside the movie theater, six ugly guys looking none-too-happy were waiting for us.

Call it a hunch, but I don't think they were waiting to discuss the amazingness of the six-dollar suck-fest they just paid to watch.

We ignore them and start walking home...they follow.

To say they were pissed would be like saying I'm only moderately attractive ;) Yes, they were FURIOUS at Will.

As we walked they were baraging Will with verbal barbs. Think of the most offensive stuff to say, and they were yelling it. Interestingly, they were so focused on their detest of my roommate, that I was pretty much being ignored. They must have inherently sensed my coolness (as well as my toughness) and decided it would be best to leave me alone.

Will started to get scared (understandibly) and starts running! I chase after him and right behind me is the stampede of six angry ogres. I finally catch up to him as he slows down. We're now in the middle of Downtown SLO and people start noticing that six Zoo-escapees are coming after us.

Being the geniouses that we are, we turn a corner and are now walking away from downtown, down a dark, desserted street. Me thinking, "hmmm...maybe this wasn't the best idea."

Now they start surrounding us. Will is pretty much freaking out and dials 9-1-1.

So here we are, on a dark lonely street, me standing in flip-flops, and skinny Will on the phone with emergency services. I, being particularly astute in Mathematics, do a quick mental calculation and deduce that our odds against six angry thugs are not exactly stellar.

One of the guys is REALLY agitated so I move to him first to try and calm him down.

Me: "Calm down dude, it's just a movie"
Ogre 1: **Innaudible groan of anger**
Me: "You paid six dollars and you're pissed? Come on man, let it go."
Ogre 1: **More innaudible groans of anger**

This guys so pissed that I've now physically got my hands on him, holding him back.

Me: (now turning to Will) "Will, just walk back downtown and go into a bar (he was 21 at the time, I was only 20) where there are people"

As I turn to tell him this, the guy I'm holding, blows right passed me, grabs Will by the shirt and throws him to the ground like a rag doll! Then, a few of the other guys go and start kicking him as he's on the ground moaning into the phone with a dispatcher on the line!!!

I had never been in a real fight before, but at this point adrenalin kicked in, and normal Arun became SUPER HULK ARUN and let loose the "Arun Fury of Madness!"

I run up to Ogre #1, grab him by the back of his collar, and throw him hard, face first, into the side of a building. Then I grab Ogre #2 and throw him into the ground. The other two involved in the kicking back off or something (I don't really remember).

So now I'm literally standing over Will, who's lying in pain on the ground, my fists clenched, yelling incredibly lound "GET THE F**K OFF!!! GET THE F**K OFF!!!"

Seriously, I don't think I've ever looked so feroscious. It's amazing what a little adrenaline does for you, but even I would have been scared of me at that moment.

Luckily the guys decided to bolt after this exclaiming to Will "You're lucky you're not alone and that's all you got!!!"

Good thing they scurried away. Sure I had a lot of fury pumping through my vains at the time, but against six guys, my Greek-god-like body and angelic face would have been in grave danger of injury!

As soon as the thugs left, bystanders run up to us exclaiming they saw everything, and one of them even tries to follow the escapees!

The cops then show up and tell us that they've caught four of the six suspects already! Jeez, I must say I was pretty impressed with their expediency!

The main intigator of the fight ended up getting charged with "Assault with a deadly weapon" because of his kicks to Will's head. He served some time in the slammer and got a hefty fine.

Will's hard head finally came in handy and he escaped, suprisingly rather unscathed.

I escaped with no injuries and about three nights of restless sleep. The more I thought about it though, the tougher I felt for holding them off! (Yes, believe it or not, it is actually possible for me to think even MORE of myself :)

I've thought about going into a career as a crime fighter/super hero.

Super Arun?
Model Man?
Hero of Handsome?
The Chisled Charmer?

Maybe I'll parlay my super hero status into a business..."Super Arun and Associates." It would consist of me being famous, and the crime fighting "dirty work" being handled by my associates :) Good plan!

The Taste of Fame

Being recognized is a great feeling.

Ok, so I'm not exactly hounded by the paparazzi, but I have tasted from the fountain of fame. (alright, alright...maybe it was more of a sniff of the vapor from the fountain of fame...minor detail).

I cameoed as a Model in a local coupon magazine. (If only any of my stunning photos made the final product).

I starred in a commercial once. (Ok, so I had no lines, but I did demonstrate some solid tennis skills in a commercial for an athletic club). This immediately vaulted my middle school popularity.

I have a moderately popular blog.

But possibly the most recognition I received was from a newspaper article written about me soon before I left Anchorage, Alaska for college. It was a HUGE article which took up the front of the Sports Page in the Anchorage Daily News.

To be fair, this article was ridiculously complementary and makes me sound like Mother Theresa (oh the similarities between "Momma T" and I). But then again, it is ME afterall :) So today I present to you the article in its entirety. The picture above took up a huge section of the page.
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Rapped up in tennis
East High's Arun Srinivasan is a tennis champ, rapper and scholar

By Josh Niva
Anchorage Daily News

(Published June 26, 2001)
Arun Srinivasan knows a good racquet when he sees one.

He's a 10-year tennis veteran, a high school state champion as a doubles player, a state runner-up in singles and even a tennis instructor on the side. So he's no stranger to the tools of his sporting trade.

But Srinivasan didn't need a good racket to land him a $6,000 scholarship from the USA Tennis Foundation Educational Scholarship Fund. When applying for the honor that rewards tennis achievement, tennis involvement, community service and academics, he simply let his off-the-court statistics speak for themselves: a recent honors graduate from East High with a solid 4.0 grade-point average; a volunteer math tutor and tennis instructor; a Key Club member; the embodiment of sportsmanship.

"It's really exciting," the 17-year-old Srinivasan said of receiving the award. "And it will help a lot (financially)."

Every bit helps when you're about to enter your freshman year at Cal Poly-San Luis Obispo to study computer engineering, including the $1,500 East Anchorage Rotary scholarship he received earlier this year.

"I was so happy for him -- I feel like I won this, too," said Srinivasan's tennis mentor and friend Cathy Tracy. "He's just always there to help out and do anything. He's a selfless, wonderful person.

"I wasn't surprised at all (that he received the scholarship)."

And it shouldn't be too surprising that a person as ambitious as Srinivasan has an extremely well-rounded background to go with his tennis acumen.

His parents are from India, he was born in Kansas City, Mo., and he moved to Anchorage in 1990.

Then there's his advanced placement calculus, AP English and computer engineering background that would fry the average mind.

He's into music, too. He plays the cello, sings jazz, is in classical choir and he even raps. Yes, the honor student raps, and his name on the microphone pays homage to his GPA ... A-Plus.

"It's just a lot of fun," said Srinivasan, who began rapping with a friend seriously two years ago after an AP English assignment called for him to compose a rap song.

But this rapper doesn't spit the typical Parental Advisory lyrics. His lyrical content is intelligent, and his flow is as tight as his court game -- quick, hard hitting, wise and no unforced errors. He volleys tongue-twisters like tennis shots and even sprinkles a little of his favorite sport into his raps as he sizzles, "players who pose on the court" of the "prodigy" with his lyrics.

While Srinivasan has only been in the rap game for a brief time, he's been serious about his tennis for quite awhile. His family always followed the sport, but his interest piqued when he was 8 and he decided to attend a clinic that Tracy conducted.

Tracy can still remember that day 10 years ago when she first met the aspiring tennis star who would turn out to be her assistant tennis instructor at the Alaska Club years later.

"He was 7 or 8, and there were probably 55 kids there," said Tracy, the Alaska Club's director of tennis. "I noticed him right away with his great attitude and athletic ability. Sometimes you see someone for the first time and see that this kid could be good."

"I just fell in love with it," added Srinivasan. "It came naturally and I just enjoyed it."

Srinivasan is a right-hander who likes to play a serve-and-volley game, a strength that makes him a strong doubles player. After making the East tennis squad as a freshman, Srinivasan toiled, paid his dues and eventually won the state doubles title with teammate Adam Stauffer. A season later, as a senior, Srinivasan finished second in singles play to Service's Deric Saffell.

"He's got an awesome serve, good hands and touch shots," said Tracy, evaluating Srinivasan's game.

But his physical skills are just part of what makes Srinivasan a special player. He also plays by his own strict code of tennis ethics, a code that gets him accolades and one he spelled out in the essay he wrote to the tennis scholarship committee.

"I always try to keep a level head when playing and show class on the court," Srinivasan said. "In the essay, I wrote about how I started playing tennis and how it helped me not only do well in school, but how it changed my attitude. It teaches you how to be a sportsman, and it teaches patience."

It's a message he tries to get across to teammates, opponents and now to the fledgling tennis players he teaches. But he also knows when to just have fun with his sport.

"As an instructor, he's great," said Tracy. "He's always aware of the whole situation, and he makes sure the kids have a good time."

And that's one aspect of his lessons Srinivasan is sure to focus on.

"I usually instruct kids, and not so long ago i was that same person," Srinivasan said. "So I always have to make it fun for whoever's taking lessons. If it's not fun, they won't come back. That's why I came back."

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Back to the real world...there are some innaccuracies in this article (through no fault of mine).

Computer Engineering Background???...I had no clue about computers back then, and struggled with those damn machines when I got to college.

Rapping Seriously? Umm..I did spit some solid rhymes but I don't think anyone would have called what I did serious.

Oh well...I guess when you're as famous as me, you have to accept that media will, on occassion, fabricate information or perpetuate rumours :) Ahhh, the price of fame...

Seven Mistakes Guys Make When Approaching Women

Ok Fine...I may have strategically chosen to include this photo because......my shirt is spiffy? :) No, I'm not a pickup artist. I am however a fan of the show.

Recently, my friend Jeff and I stumbled upon this show ("The Pickup Artist") by accident and were instantly intrigued at how a so called "Master Pickup Artist" trained a couple of sad stories, into lady-savvy guys.

It was pretty impressive considering the contestants' social skills were INCREDIBLY awkward or downright nonexistent.

Lucky for me, I'm pretty glib by nature (surprising, I know) so that sort of works in my favour...well that and my devilish good looks :)

Anyone who goes out and about with any regularity notices the poor guys who just don't have a clue. Some of them are douchebags, and we're happy when they fail miserably while others are either scared or socially awkward. Well, this post is for the latter.

Off the top of my head, there are seven major mistakes that guys make when going out, that have FAILURE written all over them! I see it ALL THE TIME, and if you promise to keep this a secret, I've even made some of these mistakes over the years (another shocker)! I have however learned, and avoid the contents of this list like Rosie O'Donnell avoids exercise.

Now this post is not about how to shoot a gun with deadly accuracy, but rather how to NOT shoot yourself in the ass. So without further adu, I present to you "Seven Common Mistakes Guys Make When Approaching Women."

1. Being a Wallflower - Seriously, why even go out if you're just going to post up against a wall and watch everyone? This is bad for a couple of reasons. First, once you get in "post up and watch" mode, it's hard to break out of it, and all of a sudden start being social. Second, when you finally DO decide to enter the fun, people won't be as receptive. Why?

Who would you rather talk to? The person who is having fun, smiling, talking to people and contributing to the environment, or the tree in the corner, holding a drink and watching the fun?! The more fun you are having, the more other people (women) want to be around you and experience that energy!

As an aside, the Wallflower is SOOO common! Usually it's shy guys. You need to at least try to get your social self going early, and then you'll get on a run!

2. Being BORING - When you finally start talking to a girl please refrain from classic "interview" questions. This is sooo generic and BORING! "Where are you from? What do you? Do you come here often? What's your major?"

Yes for some people I just eliminated the first five minutes of riveting conversation.

I know what you're thinking: "That's really dandy Arun, but how about you give me an alternative, Mr. Smooth!"

Ok Ok. I personally like talking about something interesting going on right now, or making a funny observation about the room. A person needs to like me for some semblance of personality before they care about where I'm from or what I do. Similarly, I could care less about where they're from, what they do etc in the first few minutes of conversation because it has no bearing on me liking them as a person.

People ascertain each other's most glaring personality qualities by simply interacting on a fun, somewhat superficial level.

3. Failure to Escalate - When a girl is finally displaying some interest in you, it's time to kick your charm up a notch (ONE notch...not three or five Speedy Gonzalez). Friendly touching and flirting is included in this notch. What happens when you don't escalate? FRIEND ZONE!

And once you're on the "friends ladder" you have to be a downright "pro athlete of seductiveness" to successfully make the leap over to "relationship ladder." Trust me...women grease up those upper "relationship ladder" rungs nice and good, so good luck hanging on after the leap.

In all likelihood, you'll end up falling painfully on your bum, on neither ladder. Then, they'll throw some of the same grease goop on the bottom rungs to end you forever!

4. Being Touchy McToucherson - Instead of escalating, you try and take the supersonic elevator to the top of the Sears Tower. Touchy McToucherson soon becomes Sleezy McSleezerson. Luckily, only douchebags do this type of creepy stuff, and my website automatically blocks people of high douchebaggery :)

5. Being Nonobservant - Too many people don't pay attention to body language. Most times, you can get an immediate gauge as to a girls interest level if they display positive body language (ie. looking at your eyes, facing you, touching you etc). The same can be said if they aren't interested in you.

Too many guys go in as John Boring (see #2) then fail to get the clue that the interaction has gone stale and stick around for WAAAY to long! PAY ATTENTION! If her back is to you, if she's ignoring you at all etc, MOVE ON! On the bright side, you'll rarely ever receive overtly negative body language if you eliminate the John Boring in you.

6. Being as Asshole - Sure some girls like bad-asses and others like guys who end up being jerks, but I wouldn't recommend approaching a girl with hostility. There's a fine line between teasing and being insulting, and if you don't know what it is, avoid it altogether!

I tease everyone, but people always know I'm joking. I'm also very sensitive to people's feelings so I never encroach on anything has even has a remote risk of being offensive. On the other hand, pointing out obvious blunders and giving a girl a hard time about something silly is comedy GOLD! I've seen a lot of guys try to be the funny teaser, but end up saying something totally offensive.

Stick a fork in you.

Sexist, Racist, and other over-the-top jokes are big time no-no's when first meeting someone.

7. Being the Personal Drink Bank - I've already talked about this in my old Bar Culture Post, but it needs to be reiterated.

DON'T BUY RANDOM GIRLS DRINKS!

Guys are tooled everyday for drinks. Girls don't respect guys who buy them drinks right away. When you buy a girl a drink you are setting yourself up to be used, AND implying that your conversation alone is not interesting enough to hold her attention. Essentially you are purchasing some conversation time by means of a drink.

Don't ever do it!

And if a girl did ask me for a drink after I meet them, I would lose interest immediately. I usually like to string them along though after they ask (because now they've lost my respect) and use one of my favorite jokster lines (credit Jeff with the punchline).

Girl: "So are you gonna buy me a drink?"
Me: "Sure! Let's go to the bar!"
(Now having arrived at the bar)
Me: (turning around to girl) "Now did you want your water with or without ice?"
Girl: (now totally confused then realizing she's been had)
Me: (smiling super wide at my own cleverness).

Wacky Weddings

Man waits at alter. Bride walks down with father while "Here Comes the Bride" plays on the organ. Mother balls her eyes out. Pronounced Husband and Wife. Smoochy Smooch. Reception. Bodda Bing! That's the typical American wedding we've all grown up seeing on TV and have possibly attended and expect.

Apparently none of my friends got that memo.

I've been to six weddings in my life, (one as recently as a few weeks ago) and only ONE of them has followed anything resembling this formula. That's right...in keeping with the running theme in my life, they've all been a little crazy!

The first wedding I ever went to was up in Alaska. The Groom's family (my "in" to the wedding) happen to be very "Alaskan" so the wedding was far out from the city, at a remote yet beautiful location. Scrap the church, not needed.

I suppose the wedding was fairly normal, but come reception time, I wasn't quite sure what to eat (or not to eat). In keeping with the "Alaska" theme, the main cuisine was Bear (Yes BEAR...poor little guys), Moose, and Carribou. What ever happened to good ol' chicken???

Where'd the bride and groom go for their honeymoon? You guessed it...Halibut Cove.

Then there was the wedding I went to a couple of years ago in Kansas City...an Indian Wedding. Calling this event a "production" would be an understatement. The festivities go on for days, and the actual wedding ceremony resembles a broadway play. There's singing, dancing, instruments, acting, flowers everywhere, props...and yes I'm talking about the wedding, not the reception.

To further complicate matters, the Football Arizona Cardinals were in town that week to play the Kansas City Chiefs and were staying at the same hotel as the wedding. Why was this complicated? It just so happened Embassy Sweets double booked the ball room for the reception as well as some Football meeting for the Cardinals.

Uh oh.

If you thought wedding planners and brides Mom's were normally stressed out, you should have seen them after this revelation. When they found out, there was no way anyone would be able to stand up to the wrath that is "Stressed out Mother of the Bride" and not let us have the room.

In fact, I bumped into the head coach of the Cardinals when I was in the elevator with my Mom. The conversation went like this:

Me: "Hey aren't you Denny Green?"
Coach Green: "Yea Man! WHat's your name? Nice to meet you!"
Me: "Hey Mom! This is Denny Green, head coach of the Minnisota Vikings!"
Mom: "Really?"
Coach Green: "uh.......actually it's the Arizona Cardinals now"
Me: "Uhh....yeah...that's what I......meant? (now realizing that he was previously FIRED from the Vikings and waiting for what seemed like ages for the damn elevator door to open)"

The next wedding was in New York. This was my first visit, and I witnessed some crazy Mob stuff, along with a speed trip through the sites of NYC.

The funny thing about this wedding was the groom's family was Japanese, and the brides family was Indian.

Consequently, the bride's family wanted the whole, lavish, Indian production of "The Wedding" directed by the all too familiar Mother of the bride. The groom's family wanted a traditional Samurai wedding.

Personally, I was rooting for the Samurai wedding. How cool would that be?

Instead, they comprimised and had a semi-traditional wedding with absolutely NO religious symbols.

At the reception, there was lots of dancing, and anybody who knows me, knows I've been known to bust a move or two here and there. What I didn't know was that my MOM does too!

That's right, my MOM was dancing up a storm! Apparently it's in my genes.

Fast forward a couple of years which brings us to last month, where I attended two weddings.

The first one, I went to valet cars for a friend, but basically got to enjoy the wedding as if I were a guest (AND I got paid...not to shabby!). What was so special about this wedding?

This was the first (and likely ONLY) Scientology wedding I'd ever been too. I went, half-expecting Tom Cruise to be the minister...unfortunately he wasn't available.

The wedding was at an estate in North East San Diego County, and the owners are devout scientologists. Infact, the giant guest house is now converted into a library of scientology history and contains a lot of original works of L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology.

Suffice to say, some of the ceremony was a tad unconventional, but after the weddings I've been too, I suppose unconventional IS normal.

And now we get to the most recent. A few weeks ago I went back up to San Luis Obispo, the city of my Alma Matter Cal Poly, for my buddy's wedding. This friend is unlike any other I have. To put it simply, he's a Cowboy.

The wedding invitation had a picture of Nate (the groom), on a horse with Nikki (the bride) and said, "Nate and Nikki r' gettin' Hitched!"

Nuff said.

The wedding was at a ranch in Cayucus. The bride arrived in a horse-drawn carriage, and the groom and all the groomsman awaited, proudly donning their Comboy hats, Cowboy Boots, and of course, tuxedos.

I meanwhile kept popping up out of my seat to try and see over all the cowboy hats in the audience!

At the reception, there was a bluegrass band to kick off the festivities, beer was seved in cowboy boot mugs, and there were peanuts and "Cowboy Cookies" at every table.

And WHERE was this reception held??? You guessed it...a Barn! Now it was a very "done up" barn, remodeled for things like wedding receptions, but from the outside, it looked just like an old Blue Barn.

Me, being one who doesn't discriminate against different dancing styles, got my line-dancin, booty shakin, groove on! I particpated in such classics as the boot-scoot-n-boogy, the two step, and my personal favorite, the Tush-push!

Luckily the DJ decided to play a little "Billie Jean," which just happens to be my specialty.

So there you have it. Whenever the day comes that I get married, I guess I'm gonna have to do something totally off the wall in staying with this theme! Maybe a wedding on the Moon? (and don't anyone steal my idea!).

The Move of Mayhem

I am never moving again.

Ok, ok. Maybe that's a little extreme, but I HATE moving! I had been dreading the arrival of Saturday all week, and it finally came with a vengeance!

Me being me, the totally nonchalant, worry-free sort of person that I am, did ZERO preparation for the move. I moved to a place that's only a block away, so I figured I'd just run back and fourth making lots of quick dumps.

In my "back and fourth" calculations, I somehow neglected to account for a few little obstacles.

Obstacle 1: Getting my crap from the third floor, all the way down to the basement. Sure there's an elevator, but certain things don't fit in the elevator which brings me to:

Obstacle 2: We own big, HEAVY-ASS stuff! For safety purposes, I don't recommend carrying huge sofa's and 200 pound armoires down four flights of stairs...or up for that matter:

Obstacle 3: Getting my from the basement garage of the new place, up to the fourth floor.

Luckily we could fit most of the stuff into the elevator, but getting things like the goliath couch in and out, and around different bends was insanely hard! First off, its a pretty new leather couch so accidentally scrapping it on the ground or on a corner is not an option. Luckily, behind Jeff and I's modelesque looks and charming personality lies some serious brain power.

Yes, we were able to geometrically deduce the proper moving angles of various sensitive furniture (leather couch, chaise lounge chair, armoire etc.) in order to maximize efficiency while minimizing damage...to the furniture that is.

I can't say that neither of us escaped unscathed. Jeff temporarily threw his back out trying to lift a box of hard covered text books. I had a little scare myself.

While moving stuff from outside into the apartment, I decided I could take on Jeff's gargantuan old-school TV myself. I had seen Jeff and Frederico struggling with that beast earlier and that was with TWO of them.

By this point, I was extremely tired and not thinking entirely straight. So, I did a couple of warmup flexes to get my muscles ready but more to get my confidence in my supreme, Hulk-like strength up, and went to lift.

I managed to get the TV up, and as I was standing up, I heard (and felt) a "rrrrrippppp."

Me Standing there with the TV Thinking: "Oh God, what was that! Was that my back? Well I don't feel any pain (other than my muscles begging for mercy to drop the TV)"

I then felt a nice, cool, draft between my legs. Yes, in my powerlift of the TV, my old gym shorts could not contain my massive butt-muscles as they strained for dear life.

Once I got the TV in, I examined the damage. HUGE split down the middle seam. Actually, I think they split because my shorts got caught on the rough outside wall as I was lifting the TV. Yes, I was a little disappointed that they didn't actually split as a result of my rock solid ass, but rather my dim-witted plan to move the TV on my own.

I was forced to waddle my was back to my car to avoid mooning my new neighbors.

We eventually finished the move at 2 in the morning. I don't think I've ever been so deliriously tired. Now my place is in mass disarray with stuff everywhere! You didn't really realize how much stuff you have, until you move.

On the bright side, the new place is awesome! My room is HUGE. The complex amenities are awesome as well. Four swimming pools, Bi-weekly parties, Game room. movie theater, Gym, Yoga classes (which I'm definitely going to be doing), and Pool parties! To add to the fun, I worked out a little deal which makes it CHEAPER than my old place.

I'm still extremely sore from the move, but I trust a visit to the hot tub and a nice yoga class should alleviate my pain!