Ok Fine...I may have strategically chosen to include this photo because......my shirt is spiffy? :) No, I'm not a pickup artist. I am however a fan of the show.
Recently, my friend Jeff and I stumbled upon this show ("The Pickup Artist") by accident and were instantly intrigued at how a so called "Master Pickup Artist" trained a couple of sad stories, into lady-savvy guys.
It was pretty impressive considering the contestants' social skills were INCREDIBLY awkward or downright nonexistent.
Lucky for me, I'm pretty glib by nature (surprising, I know) so that sort of works in my favour...well that and my devilish good looks :)
Anyone who goes out and about with any regularity notices the poor guys who just don't have a clue. Some of them are douchebags, and we're happy when they fail miserably while others are either scared or socially awkward. Well, this post is for the latter.
Off the top of my head, there are seven major mistakes that guys make when going out, that have FAILURE written all over them! I see it ALL THE TIME, and if you promise to keep this a secret, I've even made some of these mistakes over the years (another shocker)! I have however learned, and avoid the contents of this list like Rosie O'Donnell avoids exercise.
Now this post is not about how to shoot a gun with deadly accuracy, but rather how to NOT shoot yourself in the ass. So without further adu, I present to you "Seven Common Mistakes Guys Make When Approaching Women."
1. Being a Wallflower - Seriously, why even go out if you're just going to post up against a wall and watch everyone? This is bad for a couple of reasons. First, once you get in "post up and watch" mode, it's hard to break out of it, and all of a sudden start being social. Second, when you finally DO decide to enter the fun, people won't be as receptive. Why?
Who would you rather talk to? The person who is having fun, smiling, talking to people and contributing to the environment, or the tree in the corner, holding a drink and watching the fun?! The more fun you are having, the more other people (women) want to be around you and experience that energy!
As an aside, the Wallflower is SOOO common! Usually it's shy guys. You need to at least try to get your social self going early, and then you'll get on a run!
2. Being BORING - When you finally start talking to a girl please refrain from classic "interview" questions. This is sooo generic and BORING! "Where are you from? What do you? Do you come here often? What's your major?"
Yes for some people I just eliminated the first five minutes of riveting conversation.
I know what you're thinking: "That's really dandy Arun, but how about you give me an alternative, Mr. Smooth!"
Ok Ok. I personally like talking about something interesting going on right now, or making a funny observation about the room. A person needs to like me for some semblance of personality before they care about where I'm from or what I do. Similarly, I could care less about where they're from, what they do etc in the first few minutes of conversation because it has no bearing on me liking them as a person.
People ascertain each other's most glaring personality qualities by simply interacting on a fun, somewhat superficial level.
3. Failure to Escalate - When a girl is finally displaying some interest in you, it's time to kick your charm up a notch (ONE notch...not three or five Speedy Gonzalez). Friendly touching and flirting is included in this notch. What happens when you don't escalate? FRIEND ZONE!
And once you're on the "friends ladder" you have to be a downright "pro athlete of seductiveness" to successfully make the leap over to "relationship ladder." Trust me...women grease up those upper "relationship ladder" rungs nice and good, so good luck hanging on after the leap.
In all likelihood, you'll end up falling painfully on your bum, on neither ladder. Then, they'll throw some of the same grease goop on the bottom rungs to end you forever!
4. Being Touchy McToucherson - Instead of escalating, you try and take the supersonic elevator to the top of the Sears Tower. Touchy McToucherson soon becomes Sleezy McSleezerson. Luckily, only douchebags do this type of creepy stuff, and my website automatically blocks people of high douchebaggery :)
5. Being Nonobservant - Too many people don't pay attention to body language. Most times, you can get an immediate gauge as to a girls interest level if they display positive body language (ie. looking at your eyes, facing you, touching you etc). The same can be said if they aren't interested in you.
Too many guys go in as John Boring (see #2) then fail to get the clue that the interaction has gone stale and stick around for WAAAY to long! PAY ATTENTION! If her back is to you, if she's ignoring you at all etc, MOVE ON! On the bright side, you'll rarely ever receive overtly negative body language if you eliminate the John Boring in you.
6. Being as Asshole - Sure some girls like bad-asses and others like guys who end up being jerks, but I wouldn't recommend approaching a girl with hostility. There's a fine line between teasing and being insulting, and if you don't know what it is, avoid it altogether!
I tease everyone, but people always know I'm joking. I'm also very sensitive to people's feelings so I never encroach on anything has even has a remote risk of being offensive. On the other hand, pointing out obvious blunders and giving a girl a hard time about something silly is comedy GOLD! I've seen a lot of guys try to be the funny teaser, but end up saying something totally offensive.
Stick a fork in you.
Sexist, Racist, and other over-the-top jokes are big time no-no's when first meeting someone.
7. Being the Personal Drink Bank - I've already talked about this in my old Bar Culture Post, but it needs to be reiterated.
DON'T BUY RANDOM GIRLS DRINKS!
Guys are tooled everyday for drinks. Girls don't respect guys who buy them drinks right away. When you buy a girl a drink you are setting yourself up to be used, AND implying that your conversation alone is not interesting enough to hold her attention. Essentially you are purchasing some conversation time by means of a drink.
Don't ever do it!
And if a girl did ask me for a drink after I meet them, I would lose interest immediately. I usually like to string them along though after they ask (because now they've lost my respect) and use one of my favorite jokster lines (credit Jeff with the punchline).
Girl: "So are you gonna buy me a drink?"
Me: "Sure! Let's go to the bar!"
(Now having arrived at the bar)
Me: (turning around to girl) "Now did you want your water with or without ice?"
Girl: (now totally confused then realizing she's been had)
Me: (smiling super wide at my own cleverness).