Worst Barbecue Ever!

Everybody loves to barbecue.

Round up some friends, Round up some meat, fire up the grill, and "Q" to your hearts content!

In California, people love barbecuing on the beach. Seriously, what better place is there to barbecue? You fire up the grill, run around the beach practicing your frisbee skills, jump in the water and pretend to surf (me), then come back to a sizzling piece of meat and a beer!

Well this is all fine and dandy, assuming you actually plan things right.

I was reminded of the worst barbecue ever, last week when I was at Aaron's house. We were barbecuing lunch. I was comfortably inside watching football when all of a sudden I see Aaron sprint inside, across the dining room to the kitchen, for a pot of water. At the same time I notice a good amount of smoke outside.

He books it back outside and all of a sudden I see a giant ploom of smoke! I go outside to inspect (I know, I'm a daredevil) and see the last reminants of flames, extinguishing on my chicken. Aaron notices my quizzical look.

Aaron: "Grease fire...I hope you like your chicken a little smokey"

The chicken managed to turn out ok...much better than by first beach barbecue debacle that was probably four years ago.

It was summertime in San Luis Obispo, and my buddy Dan calls me up and suggests that we should barbecue out at the beach! Great Idea! Usually I just attended barbecues that I was invited to, but this time we were going to do the inviting and grilling!

So Dan and I hurredly hit the grocery store to buy the necessary stuff. Instead of buying a huge bag of coals, we decided to get a couple of "fire logs" that are supposedly easy and quick to light. We are feeling quite smart for having thought of such an efficient BBQ plan that no one has ever thought of!

We drive all the way out to Pismo beach and invite Darren, Debra, Daisy and Randi. So we're all set to start barbecuing, when we realize are first little predicament.

Matches.

Ok, so I was having an "off" day. luckily Debrah had a lighter in her car so we were saved! Close call. We light the fire log and were excited to eat! The fire burned hot and bright!...for two minutes before the log extinguished.

We couldn't understand it! Dan and I had thought this through perfectly! Why buy a big bag of slow burning coals when we can have a log that burns instantly? We pulled out the second log and read the info carefully this time.

Apparently, these were STARTER logs that were only meant to get the coals (which we of course didn't have) to start going faster. Dan, being particularly sharp this day, decides to round up a bunch of paper for the next fire log to burn.

Turns out, paper burns incredibly fast. We lit the next log, surrounded by paper. Realizing the fire wasn't going to last long, we frantically unwrapped the chicken and hot dogs to throw on the grill.

Problem number two...we forgot plates and utensils (I know I'm impressing you with my genius today). We opened the chicken but no one wanted to touch it (since we couldn't really wash our hands anywhere). So, we crammed as many hotdogs as we could on the mini grill as the fire was weakening.

Two minutes later, we were left with half blackened, half uncooked, hot dogs, raw chicken, fireless, forkless, and plateless not to mention hungry and embarassed. Drinks? Yep, we forgot those too. Don't ask me what we were thinking, because apparently, it wasn't a lot. The girls took advantage of this opportunity to lay into us.

Debra: "You guys are like the best prepared people I know!"
Daisy: "Hey lets have a barbecue, and not bring ANY stuff to barbecue with!"
Randi: "Good thing you guys are engineers and problem solvers!"

Dan, in his frustration of the digusting half charred, half raw hot dog that he just took a bite of, wound up and chucked it as far as he could. It didn't get far because it was caught in the air by a seagull! Soon, another one came and they were fighting for the food in the air!

Suddenly, we were being surrounded! Seagulls from near and far gazed at the buffet of hotdogs and chicken waiting for them! Some of them seemsd a little "poop happy" as well which meant, being under them was not an option. The solution? Our "food" soon became our weapon against the surrounding predators! We starting chucking the hot dogs just to get the little stinkers away from us!

Luckily, we escaped unscathed (You were worried, I know). We ended up eating clam chowder at a nearby beach restaraunt and toasted to "The worst barbecue ever!"