Wedding Do's and Don'ts

I'll be the first to admit weddings are fun.

Who doesn't like a big party with food, cake, booze, and old people getting drunk and dancing their little tushies off?

I've been to several weddings in my time, and have partaken in a myriad of different styles. From the short and quick ceremonies, to the long and sleep inducing. From Christian, to Catholic, to Hindu. Indoor, outdoor, from California to Alaska.

Now I'm not getting married ANY time soon, but I've definitely learned a little bit about what to do, and not to do in wedding execution.

DO...

have a nice quick wedding ceremony so that the real reason we're all here (the reception) can start.

DON'T...

Allow the ceremony to extend beyond say 15 minutes.

First of all, weddings are usually in the summertime.

Summer = hot.

Now I'm no mathematician, but it seems to me, if you multiply the above equation with the coefficient of typical wedding attire, you end up with an answer that equals sweaty discomfort.

I've been to a couple of outdoor weddings where I'm sweating my well-dressed ass off waiting for the damn "I do's" so we can get in the shade. I'm adhering to dress code wearing my pressed suit jacket that somehow is not available with Nike moisture wicking technology. But when we finally get in the shade, the well-insulated suit jacket has got to stay on because pit stains are not exactly the "I'm single and awesome" statement I'm looking to make.

I know what you're thinking..."Arun you poor adorable thing! BUT, what if the wedding is indoors?"

Keep. It. Short.

Have you ever sat on one of those church benches for more then 5 minutes? As far as asses go, mine is decently meaty (although some might say "steel-like"), but even my booty starts going numb after sitting on that thing for more than a few minutes.

But this summer I was thrown a curve ball - an indoor wedding, not at a Church, seated in folding chairs, with ice-cream served during the ceremony.

Too good to be true, I know. So what was the catch?

Well, it was an Indian wedding....and the ceremony lasted over two hours.

OVER TWO HOURS!

Indian weddings are cool and all, but the novelty of the ceremony wore off on me after the first 15 minutes (by which point I was finished with my ice-cream). Ok, back to the Do's.

DO...

Get a minister who knows exactly what you want and what they are doing.

DON'T

Allow the minister to forget to tell the wedding goers to "please be seated" after the bride gets to the alter.

This was a first for me. I was at a wedding last week, and after the bride made it to the alter, the ministress (what do you call a female minister?) FORGOT to tell the 170 in attendance to "be seated." So we're ALL standing during the whole damn ceremony....outdoors....in the heat.

To boot, I meticulously directed chair setup the previous night to get everything lined up and staggered just right so everyone could see while seated.

Thanks to our absent minded ministress, the girls 5 rows back saw nothing but the backsides of the amazingly well-dressed and devlishly good-looking 6+ foot men in row 3 (Did I mention I was in row 3?).

DO...

Hire a DJ with a good, diverse music collection that knows you by name.

DON'T

Hire the cousin of a friend of a friend whose entire music catalogue consists of Country's Greatest Hits and a few select disco numbers on his computer.

The wedding last week had another issue.

First, the DJ couldn't pronounce the Groom's (and new bride's) last name properly. It's a pretty simple name ("Haupt" pronounced like "Howp") yet he repeatedly announced "Please welcome Mr. and Mrs. Hopt!!!"

Ok, ok...honest mistake, he's a DJ not a linguist, so just play us some hits.

Or Not.

It's a wedding. I'm not expecting much more than some current hits as well as the old wedding favorites. I thoroughly warmed up my shoulders the night before for a little "YMCA" action, and I dusted off my dancing shoes for some Electric Sliding.

Disappointment.

Instead, we got steady dose of Miley Cirus, and Cool and the Gang. Somehow, audience response wasn't quite as excited as usual when I busted out "The Worm of Wonder" during Miley Cirus' "The Climb".

DO...

Have an organized parking situation for guests.

DON'T...

Ask your brother to round up his friends to shotgun valet.

A few years ago, my buddy Jesse asked a few of us to valet for his sister's wedding. Ok no problem. I'm a good driver. I can parallel park. How hard can it be?

(Note to self: Anytime you think to yourself "how hard can it be?" its going to SUCK)

First, the wedding was at this house on top of a HUGE hill. They had the good sense to have it indoors because it was so damn hot, but we had to park each car in a dirt lot at the bottom of the hill and then sprint back up to the top as the queue of cars was growing.

Did I mention I was wearing a suit and tie...and it was hot....and it was a MAJOR hill?

So we managed to kill ourselves running up and down this hill and got all the cars finally parked. Aaaaaahhhh, re-lax-ation!...until the guests started to leave.

Four guys. We have neither ANY valet experience, nor are we organized. We have a drawer full of keys, and a dirt lot at the bottom of Mount-effing-Vesuvius full of cars. And now its dark and, of course, the lot isn't lighted.

Obviously a plan for success.

The process consisted of this:

• Guest who is ready to leave asks for car. (So far so good. We are awesome!)
• We jointly rummage through a drawer full of tangled keys to find the right one.
• Its dark though so at least two cell phones are needed for light to identify one key from another.
• Once key is found, one of us sprints down the mountain to retrieve car.
• Arun eats sh!t on one such downhill dash through uneven terrain and dirties suit. Ego is preserved though because it's dark and no one sees.
• We run back and forth through the dirt lot hitting the remote lock/unlock (and occasionally alarm) button to find the right car in the pitch black dark.
• Guest wonders why he hears his car alarm in the distance.
• Arun returns with car and guests ask why suit had become muddy and wrinkled. Ego destroyed.

And Lastly....

DO...

Act like you're involved (if you're a man) in the wedding planning and give opinions on things.

DON'T...

EVER make ANY decision without consulting the bride-to-be or say something ambivalent like "you pick what you like best!" if you want to live to enjoy your wedding.

I've seen many a good man go down for these over the years. It's a delicate balance. You need to "act" involved and provide an opinion that you should be ready to change depending on the bride's reaction.

Even though she's making the decisions, you've got to make her feel like its a joint effort.

And of course, if you try and make a decision on your own, you shouldn't be getting married in the first place because you obviously have no idea what you're doing. Murphy's Law necessitates that you WILL make the wrong decision and into the dog-house you go.

So I think its fairly obvious that I now know how to perfectly plan a wedding. I've always thought it'd be cool to be one of those wedding planners running around with the headset, barking out orders.

If you're interested in hiring me now as a "Wedding Consultant of Awesomeness" feel free to contact me. As for valeting, me and my friends will be no where near that department.

The Feminization of Arun?

Jeez I hope not.

I consider my myself kind of an all-around guy. Not too fruity or metro sexual, but not exactly the alpha-male, Man's Man either. I work-out and keep myself well groomed for the most part (although some would argue that the "longish" hair that I'm rocking right now is a little out of control), but I don't spend any real money on grooming.

I received an interesting offer this weekend.

My friend Renata tells me that a good friend of hers is finishing up cosmetology school and they really need male "models" to work on, since pretty much the only people that come in are female.

Me: "Haha! There's no way I'm paying the ludicrous prices that these places charge for any type of cosmetology service!"
Renata: "Oh but it's FREE!"
Me: "Tell me more."

Don't we all love the magical word of "Free!"

So I was honestly still pretty skeptical since sitting in some chair for an hour while someone is dolling me up doesn't sound too appealing. But then she said the other magic word.

Renata: "A big part of this also involves a MASSAGE"
Me: "Sign me up!"

She signed me up and told me it was basically some kind of "facial" where they exfoliate and moisturize my skin and then give a massage for the rest of the time. It's free because it's a student (Renata's friend) doing it, and they really need guys.

I was all excited to be signed up for a free massage until she dropped this bomb on me.

Renata: "Oh yea, the facial might also involve a little eyebrow waxing..."

Ok, if there's any word that defeats "free" and "massage," it's definitely "waxing."

Me: "What!?! Uhhh, I don't think this is happening."
Renata: "Well I already signed you up. But there's one more thing I forgot to mention....."
Me: "One more thing? What?!"
Renata: "Well they kind of need the male models to also be prepared to get a male bikini wax"
Me: "WHAT!!!!??? NO WAY! GET ME OUT OF THIS!"
Renata: (Laughing at my incredulous oration on why no rational man should ever even consider getting waxed in "the sacred area of good stuff."

The next day, I did some research on the Internet to see what men had to say about bikini waxing. Here are some direct quotes:

"Any man who doesn't pop at least 4 Advil before getting a wax job, may not make it out alive. The tenderness does eventually subside and I feel silky smooth."

"After icing my 'area' for a couple of days after, the product looked great!"

These testimonials weren't exactly convincing. After some debate, I finally convinced Renata to let me talk to Heloisa (the friend performing the procedure) so that I may put my negotiating skills to work. After some time and a few jokes, I finally made it clear that I would do this providing no wax even come near me.

So I went in and had an incredibly relaxing massage, and yes, a facial. I have to admit, I did enjoy it. It was actually really relaxing, and I told them that I'd be willing to return any time they need male models provided waxing is not so much as even mentioned.

I don't know how you ladies do the waxing thing, but I will never be feminized enough to do it!

The "Do Not Touch" List

I'm a fun-loving super social guy who loves giving high fives and making up new crazy handshakes with all of my friends. I am also well aware that people's hands carry more germs than almost anything else you can touch.

In general, I don't mind being exposed to moderate amounts of foreign germs. It seems logical that the more germs I am exposed to, the stronger my immune system will become as it adapts to each foreign particle introduced into my system. I hardly ever get sick, so this must be true to some extent right?

There is one exception to my germ exposure though. Anything coming from a bathroom is not welcome anywhere near me! I (as should any sensible person) have a tremendous aversion to anything emanating from the bathroom. As a result, one of my biggest pet peeves are the lazy sicko's who don't wash there hands after going to the bathroom!

DISGUSTING!

My aversion to this has resulted in my personal "Do Not Touch" list. That's right. If I am in the bathroom and catch you exiting without a wash, you are automatically flagged on my mental list. In fact, once you're on this list, it's virtually impossible to get off this list for a few reasons.

1) If you are already a friend, you're automatically dropped at least two tiers by virtue of you're laziness for hygiene.
2) You are definitely not coming over to my house with the potential of contaminating my sterile possessions.
3) I'm not coming to your place knowing that everything I'm touching has potential remnants from your Johnson.
4) I don't make a habit of going to the bathroom in herds (a la every female I know) so I don't know if your lack of awareness is a one time slip or a repeated offense.

Bottom line, you will not be getting any type of a handshake or high five from me. I know what you're thinking. "But Arun, what if Joe Dirtyhands approaches with an open hand to give me a handshake or a high five? Am I just supposed to make things awkward by blowing off his attempt to be friendly???"

Don't worry, I have a solution to this dreaded situation! This is where we get to enjoy the glorious invention known as the "Knuckle Touch!" The knuckle touch is awesome because not only are you being hip AND friendly, but you are avoiding the highly contaminated finger/palm area! When they come at you with an open hand, just counter with a closed fist and they'll automatically go in for a friendly knuckle touch.

Disaster Averted!!!

A Couple of other gross bathroom observations:

Observation 1:

Why is it that guys have absolutely NO aim in public toilets? I mean, if you go in there on a busy night, its like a war zone in there with urine all over the floor and toilet seat.

I find myself peeing with my feet in like a karate stance positioned on the only two dry spots on the floor! When finished, I carefully balance on one foot, and judo kick the handle to flush. This is tricky because you have to judo kick around the raised seat (if it is indeed raised, because if it's not, there's no way I'm touching that seat to raise it) and balance on your one foot on the ground. Slipping is not an option!!!

Observation 2:

About a month ago a friend and I stopped by my favorite Irish Pub in San Diego, The Field, for a beer. I had to go to the bathroom pretty bad, and the guys was full, so I snuck into the girls bathroom which consisted of two stalls.

It became immediately clear when I was inside pissing away that I had company in the stall next to me. I had always wondered whether girls are capable of making the violent sounds I have heard in men's bathrooms. Well she answered this question for me with a resounding (and I mean RESOUNDING) yes! Without going into the disgusting details, she was absolutely DESTROYING the poor toilet next to me.

So I'm standing there peeing away and I realize that by the sound of the stream hitting the water, its pretty obvious that a guy is in the stall next to her. So, to preserve any embarrassment for her (and me) I frantically re-aim my stream so that it banks off the porcelain right above the water line, thus disguising the telling sound of male urination.

As I'm wrapping up, I notice that she is also by the sounds of the miles of toilet paper shes pulling off the dispenser. I REALLY don't want to see whoever this is or have any type encounter, so I'm trying as hard as I can to squeeze out the last few drops and get the hell out of there.

I run out of the stall, but there's no way I'm leaving without washing my hands. As I'm washing, I hear a flush. Time is running out, and there's no time for drying! I dash for the door, and just as I'm about to open it, it flies open as two girls are entering. The first girl exclaims "WHOA!!! Isn't this the GIRLS bathroom!"

Simultaneously, I here the stall door which my noisy neighbor was in, open and she gives a incredulous, "HUH!?!?!" Without looking back, I ran the hell out of not only the bathroom, but the bar as well. There was no way I was going to risk bumping into that girl.

After the battle that was going down with her porcelain throne, she better have washed her hands. Either way, she's still solidly on the "Do Not Touch" List.

Courtesy: More Trouble Than its Worth?

The other day, I was sitting around pondering (I like to ponder) all of the ways we act everyday out of courtesy. Actually, this pondering began after I had held the door open for someone behind me (I'll get into that in a moment). The more and more I thought about all of the courteous things we do everyday, the more I realized how much effort it is for both parties to observe these "common" courtesies. Let me give you three examples.

1.) The Door Hold. Whenever I enter or exit someplace, I always subconciously check to see if someone is following me. If they're close behind I always hold the door for them. The funny thing is though, that each of us is doing this lightning fast mathematical calculation in our heads as to the distance and approach velocity of the follower. "Is this person close enough where I need to hold the door? He's kind of close but he's walking sort of slow. If I let go and proceed, am I a jerk if the door slams in his face?" Sometimes, as I'm approaching the door, I'll purposely slow down so that the person behind me can catch up, and thus I avoid that awkward distance where you don't know whether to hold the door or not.

When I do happen to get in the situation where the follower is in that "in-between" distance of letting go or holding the door, I always err on the side of holding the door. Ironically, the person sees you holding the door and actually speeds up or runs so you are not troubled holding the door. This is ironic because in the effort to be courteous and hold the door, you are actually causing more trouble for the follower who feels the need to run so that you needn't hold the door for so long.

I'm definitely one of those people who speeds up too. Its funny because it would have been less effort for the follower to just leasurely stroll up to the door and open it himself.

2.) The Bless You. Isn't funny how when you sneeze, most of the times you will get a "bless you" (or some form of it) if people are around. I'm generally not a huge "bless you" giver but I do chime in on about 55% of the sneezes I'm around. I do sometimes get confused by "bless you" etiquette.

First of all, a lot of people have different sneeze patterns. Some sneeze just singles, some doubles, others triples, and I've even seen quadruples! My inclination is to "bless" after the first sneeze. But then what happens if they rail off another one or two? Does one "bless you" cover them all if it was administered before the sneeze series was finished? Does each individual sneeze need its own blessing, or does one "bless you" at the end of the sneeze series cover them all?

I experimented with a delayed "bless you" to allow for additional sneezes after the first or second, but that didn't work as I was generally beat to the bless administration by someone else, and thus couldn't be the courteous one. The delayed bless you also sounds a little awkward because if you don't get the blessing in right after, the moment has sort of passed the the "bless you" sounds too forced.

On the other hand, I definitely feel cheated if I get blessed after the first sneeze but it ends up being a two series (I never have more than a two series). I feel like an ending "bless you" is key. Personally, I think one at the end can cover them all.

I guess the real question is, why the hell do we say "bless you" anyways, especially when 99% don't believe that our soul is lost when we sneeze without a blessing? What if you sneeze in your sleep, or when nobody's around? Is it really a sneeze if no one hears it?

3.) The hug. In general, I always feel funny shaking a girls hand in a friendly environment. It just feels so formal. Obviously, when I first meet someone, a hand shake (or one of my cool variations) is fine. There are two situations however, where a handshake seems too formal, but a hug might be a little much.

When first meeting a girl and one of you is leaving. If I've actually spent any significant time talking to her, I always go for the full on hug. But what happens if we've introduced each other but beyond that haven't had much interaction or established any rapport? Maybe she's a friend of someone else I've been talking to. Is it then appropriate to hug only the girl I've been talking to but relegate the friend to a handshake?

The other situation is when you've already met someone but aren't exactly friends with them, and are meeting them for a second time. You know that awkward moment when you see like a friend of a friend whom you don't know well. A hug seems a little too familiar sometimes but a handshake is way to formal.

What's the solution you ask? Well I always err on the side of doling out the hugs. A goodbye or introductory hug in itself establishes more rapport and makes people naturally feel warmer towards you. A full on hug though may not be appropriate. This is where the side hug comes in. You know what I'm talking about. The hug where you each approach each other from the side and put one arm over one anothers shoulders while giving a light squeeze. The side hug is just enough to say "hey I'm friendly!" but not too much for someone you don't know too well.

Yes I do waste some time each day thinking about these things. Despite how impractical a lot of these attempted courtesies are, I still do them everyday. But, next time you do one of these, just think about how funny it is that this behaviour is so ingrained in us.

My recommendation? Always err on being too courteous. I am never dissappointed in having to run to a held door, getting too many bless you's or an excessive hug (well depending on who you are).

Bar Culture: Expensive for Tools, Free for Women!

Rule number 2493 in Arun's book of life: Don't buy random girls drinks!

Before I start ranting, let me share a short anecdote from this last weekend.

So I am out in PB on Friday with some female friends of mine when we all decide we're feeling a little parched. Darren and I go buy ourselves a beer, and I watch as my friend Trish, newly 21, tests the power of a woman at a bar. She spots her target and stands up next to him at the bar, and actually he offers to buy her and and our other friend a drink. What does he get in return? Eight minutes of fluff conversation with one of the girls. Later we see the same thing happen with him and some other girl. Trish, having finished her drink, decides to go back for seconds and the conversation goes something like this:

Trish (to the dude and other girl he is attempting to mack): Hey! Lets all get Jager shots!
Other Girl: That sounds great!
Dude: Uhh, Ok!
Trish: I need another drink too for after. Do you want one (to the other girl)?

Trish and the other girl, who don't even know each other, exchange a knowing look. Somehow women can communicate to each other telpathically even if they don't know one another. A prime example of this happening is when some guy is talking to a girl and she wants to get the hell out, also known as, "be saved". All she has to do is make eye contact with a woman, any woman, in the bar and she will come "save her," but I digress.

Other Girl: Yea!
Trish (to the bartender): We're gonna need 3 shots of Jager and two cocktails! Thanks!

And who do you think pays? Yes, our little dude friend sitting at the bar. So what happens afterwards? Eight minutes later he's sitting all alone waiting for the next girl he can buy for.

Part of me wants to feel sorry for him, but the reality is that he is a complete tool and brought this all on himself. If you let yourself be taken advantage of, it is going to happen! The truth is, 70% of guys at bars are either idiots or tools, or some combination of the two.

Let me break it down. When a guy offers to buy a girl a drink, what he's really saying is, "I'm not interesting enough or confident enough to talk to you on my own, but I figure if I buy you a gift, you'll think I'm nice and want to stay and talk to me, and eventually we'll live happily ever after."

When a woman is offered a drink by a random guy she's thinking, "Score! This Toolbag is gonna buy me a drink! All I have to do is stay and make small talk with him for eight minutes and I'm outa here! Maybe if he's not too creepy, I'll hit him up for another drink later!"

For this reason, I have NEVER bought a random girl a drink, and I don't expect a girl I've just met to buy me one either. The only exception is if, after some time, you've established a legitimate rapport with the other person. Why is this OK? Because you (or her) are not trying to buy the other persons time, but rather you are acting out of courtesy to a friend. Key phrase here is LEGITIMATE RAPPORT, and this doesn't often happen during a brief encounter.

On another note, many of these ridiculous guys are the same one who excessively oggle. Women, you know who I'm talking about. Just a few weeks ago, I was walking behind two good looking women on the way to the bathroom (and NO I wasn't checking out their asses....ok well maybe just a little :). On the way, we passed three separate idiot guys who each did the following as they walked by:

Idiot 1: "Oh baby oh baby oh!!!"
Idiot 2:...Takes girls hand as she walks by in a weak attempt to pull her over. She's forced to yank her hand away.
Idiot 3: Purposely gets in their way, then kind of rubs against them as they blow him off.

Honestly...who in their right mind thinks "oh baby oh baby oh!" is going to accomplish anything positive? "Hey maybe if I grab this girls hand, she'll look at me and think I'm so attractive that she'll fall into my arms!" Its people like these that give the male side of our species a bad rap.

So what am I saying to you? Guys, exercise your brain a little and don't pander to women you don't know when you are out. Women, don't ask a guy who you actually might like to buy you a drink...if he's smart he'll blow you off and you'll have lost someone both attractive and intelligent. If he's a tool, he'll buy you a drink and then you won't want him anyways.

Guys if you're really that eager to blow money on a bunch of good looking people who won't give you more than eight minutes of their time, send it to me. I'll at least send you two personalized "thank you" emails....eight minutes and 1 second apart :)

Driving Etiquette

Generally I'm a pretty even tempered guy in most situations. It usually takes a lot to get me riled up. One exception however is when I 'm driving. I have to commute at least 25 minutes each way to work everyday which means I spend a lot of time on the road. Now I definitely don't have road rage, I rarely honk my horn, and flip the bird only when extremely desserving, but I do spend some time everyday being pissed off at terrible drivers. The following is a list of usurpations committed everyday on the road.

1. When I let somebody "in" in heavy traffic it would be nice to get "the wave." I generally feel good about letting somebody in when they give the appreciative wave, but when they don't, I'm pissed. I'm letting you in and you can't even say "thanks?" How hard is it to just raise your freaking hand? I always give the wave because its the courtious thing to do.

2. If you are going to drive at the speed limit or below on the freeway, don't be in the left lane! There are lots of other lanes to pick from so move! Seriously, look in your rear view mirror and see all those cars bumper to bumper? Now look in front of you and see all that open space? Step Aside!!!

3. On a related note, If I'm driving 15 miles over the speed limit in the left lane, don't freakin ride my ass. In order to let you by Mr. Speedy Gonazalez, I have to slow down to the speed of the next lane over, merge in, and then hope I can merge back over left. If someone does let me in, I'll make sure to give the wave.

4. Don't be affraid of downhills on the freeway. Seriously, it seems like everyone feels the need to break whenever there's a downhill. Just coast! One break light creates a domino effect and slows down traffic everywhere.

5. Is it really necessary to slow down to 40 miles per hour for an exit thats 2 miles up the road? The whole purpose of off ramps is to use them to slow down so you don't have to slow down on the freeway!

I could go on, but I'll leave it at five points. I bet I'll encounter at least three of these five atrocities today! If you find that you are frequently guilty of committing any of these acts, consider this a friendly request to learn proper driving technique and make the road better for all of us.

If you are frequently guilty of all of the these acts, please do us a favor and buy a bike, or a good pair of running shoes.

Cone Olympics

As I fondly reminisce my undergrad days, many stories, some interesting, many not, pop into my head. This one in particular just happened to make its way into my head and I thought it would be interesting to share.

Well it was a typical "Hey lets go downtown to DTB (you guys in SLO know all about that bar) and party it up!" Since there is really not much else to do in SLO on a Saturday night, this part happened basically every week. Anyways the night continued in typical fashion except our crew of four eventually dwindled down to two as 2:00 am arrived. It was Aaron and I left to make the long (and I mean long) trek home. Now anybody who lives in SLO knows that walking from downtown to basically Johnson/Orcut is not exactly a short jaunt. The walk takes basically 45 minutes to an hour depending on how much you've had to drink.

About a mile from home Aaron and I encounter a construction zone with cones and gates everywhere…this was too good to pass up. We each picked our favorite cone and thus began the cone Olympics! Aaron claimed the first event by clearing more consecutive warning gates in the two handed throw. I followed up with a strong performance in the "long throw" and claimed victory in the "run-as-far-as-you-can-while-balancing-the-cone-on-your-finger-then-throw" event. Keep in mind this was all occurring in the middle of the street. Every time we saw a car coming we'd throw the cones into the nearest yard and dive out of sight behind some bushes. Yes, we had several close calls.

Finally, we had almost arrived home and it was time to compete in the last event. A vertical throw to clear the power lines. For anyone who's ever thrown a cone before (I'm guessing not many of you) you know they're actually pretty damn heavy. Well after about 30 minutes of failure we each consecutively cleared the lines AND without any power sparks! Alas, Aaron was the first to do so which meant the first ever cone Olympics ended in a tie…oh well…there's always next year :)

Myspace Commentary

This is the first blog I wrote over on myspace...

So I'm not much of a blogger (this is my first one) but as a somewhat frequent myspacer (as hard as this is for me to admit), there are a number of things which amuse/disturb me about the culture that has developed on myspace. To cover each one of these in but a single commentary would not only be boring for my readers (all two of you) but would be an injustice to each one of these idiosyncrasies I wish to address. So I begin…

Why is it that people feel the need to write "Thanks for the Add" when accepted onto someone else's friends list? This is seriously ridiculous. How many of you go up to your "real life" friends and say, "Gee, thanks for agreeing to be my friend, and further for letting me be on your list of friends!" If I request someone to be my friend, they had damn well better add me and are just as lucky to have me on their list as I am them. The word "thanks" is usually reserved for someone who does something beyond the norm or out of his/her way for you. Writing "thanks for the add," implies that the requestee has done something special by simply agreeing to have the requester on his friends list. Is it really that much effort to click on the "approve" button and have my face show up somewhere on your list? Adding me to your friends list is not beyond the call of duty…in fact, I EXPECT to be added when I make a request!

Will I get flamed for writing this? Probably. Will my friend count drop? Probably. Will I post another bulletin? I don't know (though I definitely have a lot of things I could rant about). Although as a side note, I have never had anyone write "thanks for the add" to me. Could it be that my myspace friends don't think I'm cool enough to warrant a simple "thanks" when it is so commonly passed around everywhere else? Nope, I just think my friends are confident enough not to write it. And if you have written it before, don't worry, we all make mistakes and it's not too late to change your ways. Lastly…I'm fairly confident that neither your luck nor your love life will be affected whether or not you repost this.

Your friend,

Arun