Arun is Bringing You...Your Daily Remedy

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Six Ridiculous Inventions We Use Everyday

In you haven't been able to tell from reading any of my previous posts, I like to observe common everyday occurrences, and then make you all aware of how quirky some of them are. Well in today's edition of Daily Remedy (although I suppose its more like "Every-two-or-three-daily Remedy") I'm going to point out to you six inventions parts thereof, that have managed to stay in our lives over the years, despite there uselessness or inefficiency.

Usually these types of inventions are either temporary fads, or eventually get phased out. What types of inventions are these? How about: The Pogo-ball, Moon Shoes, Crystal Clear Pepsi, that Twirly-Bop thing women were supposed to use in there hair to get some crazy new doo, robot vacuum cleaners, Jolt, and a plethora of "Made for TV" items that you buy at Wal-Mart and never use.

Occasionally, some of these inventions slip through the cracks and somehow manage to remain in our daily lives. Its kind of like having gum on the bottom of your shoe. You know its there, but you also know how much of a pain it is to remove it, so you let it be. Everybody knows subconsciously how half-baked these inventions are, but no one really acknowledges their absurdity...that is until NOW! Yes, friends. I, Arun "Observer of All," am here to make my contribution to society. As a public service, I bring to you Six Ridiculous Inventions that have managed to weasel their way into our lives and stubbornly stick around.

1. The Revolving Door. You see them everywhere yet they must be the most inefficient door ever! You go up, and first of all you need to time your entrance and slip into one of the little slots if there's traffic going through. Its like you're playing freakin double dutch, and you have to time your entrance just right so that the jump rope (or the door in this case) doesn't catch you. Then, you need to keep up with the pace of the person in front of you. If the person in front is pushing to fast, the door nails you in the heals. The door's not that easy to push either. Its such a large apparatus that it actually takes some effort.

Then there's the bozo's who don't know it's ONE person per slot, and they jump in the same slot as you! Now you're awkwardly crowded in this little slot with someone stepping on your heals. Apparently normal doors were just not cutting it, so they (The Man) decided to make this huge piece of crap to irritate rational people like me!

2. M&M Minis. I loooove chocolate, and from a pure taste standpoint, I really like the taste of M&M Minis, but seriously. What were regular M&M's so big for us to handle that they had to make Minis? Great! Now instead of being able to stuff only 30 M&M's in my mouth, I can stuff 50! Brilliant! I challenge you to find one human mouth in this world than cannot comfortably accommodate an M&M.

I mean, I understand the concept of candy bars releasing bite size versions (also known as "fun size" which doesn't make sense to me because for me, "fun size" = "King Size") for portion control or whatever, but M&M's are already bite size! Actually, for a normal person, 20 M&M's is bite size. Somehow this useless addition has remained in the checkout line right next to its normal sized counterpart.

3. Moving Walkways. Actually, its not the walkway itself that I have a problem with, but its the "standing lane" on the walk way that's ridiculous! What, is walking so much effort that we have to have giant belts to usher people around to save them the energy? I think walkways are a good thing to have in large airports, especially when you're in a rush, but seriously, do we really need to have two lanes? And then, when you're actually in a rush, you have to squeeze past the lazy bastards standing on the walkway, who also are usually "width challenged", which makes for no simple task.

4. Tylenol Regular Strength. How is this still on the market when Tylenol Extra Strength is available for the same price? I'm willing to bet 95% of sick people would go for the "extra strength" variety when they are sick. In fact, just to make sure I was justified, I checked the recommended dosage and it is the same for both. So why would anyone take Tylenol Regular Strength to feel twice as good, when you can take Extra Strength and feel four times as good?

5. White-Out. Honestly, who the hell uses white-out anymore? Yet, go to the office supply section of Walmart and there's five different types to choose from. Do you honestly think you're going to fool someone by making the blunder blend in with the paper as if nothing ever happened? Rather than simpling drawing a strike through the incorrect word, someone felt like it would be better to have the ability to put some goop on the paper, wait for it to dry, then write over the goop in order to hide a mistake.

All this is assuming that you're writing on totally white paper which is rarely the case. Most people write on ruled paper which happens to be off white, thus rendering the whole purpose of white-out useless! How are they still in business?

6. Automatic Hand Dryers. After going to the bathroom, it's normal habit to wash your hands. Somewhere along the way, someone decided it was to much waste to use paper towels for drying. Instead, they invented an annoyingly noisy and energy consuming hand dryer. This may be the OUTRIGHT WINNER for dumb inventions.

Seriously, you finish washing, hit the button, and have the wait five freaking minutes to get any semblance of dryness. If you actually want your hands to be completely dry, you have to hit the button three times and stay there for a good seven minutes. I can probably count the number of times I've actually waited under that damn dryer to completely dry my hands, on one hand.

Its funny because, after washing, almost everyone hits the button thinking, "Hey, maybe THIS time the dryer will actually do something and dry my hands!" Inevitably, they give up and leave after ten seconds.

What's even more absurd are the hand dryers that they sometimes have mounted up high in locker rooms, for hair drying after showering. Are you kidding me? Who's gonna wait a freaking hour for their hair to dry under that thing!?!

I'm sure I must be leaving off other totally ludicrous inventions. Leave a comment and let me know what I'm leaving out. One can never have too much material to rant about!!!


James said...

How about those plastic baskets at the supermarket. They do not hold much more than you could carry without bending like they will break. I usually end up getting cart anyways.

YouAreClumsy said...

You know what else is a foolish invention? Your FACE! Talk about useless! I'm surprised you didn't include cleaning supplies and vacuum cleaners in your list of ridiculous inventions. Judging by your lifestyle, it wouldn't surprise me if those were deemed ridiculous by you (BOO-run) as well. Hope you have a great day!

Anonymous said...

i'm sure there's more

hands said...

material has arrived...

axe body spray - spraying this CHEAP cologne over every part of your body does not substitute for taking a shower or even wearing regular deodorant. it does not say anti-persperant, so stop using it

balloons - i'll admit it's nice when ppl decorate your desk/home/car with these but really? these things will either end up getting stuck in the ceiling or some toolbag will inhale them for fun at the expense of his/her own health. please save it for the children

fountains - long ago, some 2000 years in the past ornate stone pieces holding water known as "fountains" became popular as an element in rich wealthy people's courtyards. in their current state they collect mold and attract creepy people. if you are going to make a fountain that looks like a bird bath, please do not

cats - not an invention, but these animals are extremely independent and have no use being in someone's house. owning multiple cats (unless it is a shelter) fans the existence of dreaded "cat people" and is almost sure to put the owner at some type of mental health risk

air horns in songs - it's already time to dance if i'm listening to reggaeton, so stop blowing the air horn jackass. a horn in any other type of song is generally a giveaway of a really bad song

paper grocery bags - everyone chooses plastic, so please stop offering

infomercials - for the people who apparently can't stop ordering from these things, please have your own shopping channel, i'm trying to shop while i'm wathcing my favorite show

user agreement contracts - lamest thing ever, and do they ever really use these things? i'm sure 99.9% of the time it is a waste of my time to hit "i agree" button and if i do sue a company they will have no chance in court, even with their stupid user agreement contract