Adventures in Sin City

Ahhh Las Vegas...the real-life Wonderland.

I honestly don't know how people can make multiple trips per year there. One trip lasts me and my wallet at least a year...although I do love the penchant for producing adventures that the city has.

As much as I love Las Vegas, I cringe when I think of how hard each trip is on my body. Ridiculously late nights accompanied by copious amounts of booze, and a tasty late night meal followed by very little sleep, then a trip to the buffet of choice for one Gargantuan, fattiliscious meal that eliminates the need to eat again until the next late night snack. The rest of the time is spent either partying, or at the pool.

There were six of us on this last trip, and each day we totally dominated the pool with our Frisbee antics. Despite how crowded the pool was each day, we would seriously have a huge section of the pool to ourselves because no one dared cross into the "Frisbee zone territory of Chaos!"

As good as we are with "The 'bee," I won't lie...there were some innocent bystanders who suffered the wrath of a stray toss here and there.

I only hit person. I was trying the throw the Frisbee over my shoulder about 50 yards across the crowded pool and hit Jeff in stride...unfortunately I haven't perfected that throw yet, and instead of landing softly in Jeff's hands, it landed uncomfortably on a girls noggin.

Me, being the fast thinking mastermind that I am, decided to hide by going underwater. It was then I realized that:

A: Water is clear, thus someone hiding underneath is completely visible
B: I only had about 20 seconds of air in me in my haste to get out of sight
C: This is a bad plan

I popped up with the girl giving me a semi serious "look of death." Oops.

Jeff though, had the record for pool casualties.

And speaking of Jeff, he may have had the single BEST adventure from Vegas which I will recant for you now.

Before going out one night, we were all partying while Jeff was taking his daily nap. He woke up about a half-hour before we were leaving for the club of the night and felt the need to "catch up" in his alcohol consumption.

Bad Idea.

By the time we get to the club, Jeff is delirious. Three of us go in, while Jeff, Brent and Bruno were going to wait outside for a group of Girls we were meeting up.

I never saw Jeff again that night.

Apparently he disappeared to use the bathroom before getting into the club, and never came back...thus began his adventure for the night.

Jeff drunkenly stumbled and bumbled through the Venetian looking for a bathroom, until finally came upon a nice Italian restaurant.

Hostess: "Hello sir, would you like a tab--"
Jeff: "BLAH!! BAAATHROOOOOOM!!!!!"

The best way to imagine Jeff's state of being is to think of Will Farrel after he's struck by the tranquilizer in Old School. Jeff, like Will Farrel, was in a zombie like stupor with one thing on his mind...expelling his guts in a private facility.

Jeff barreled through the restaurant and finally reached the bathroom of this place. Unfortunately for the other patrons he robbed them of the typical bathroom privacy we all generally prefer and expect from a bathroom.

Jeff found his way to the stall, and as he entered, completely slammed his shoulder painfully into the wall. This caused a loss of footing.

He was going down.

When he came-to a couple of seconds later, he opened his eyes to a couple of legs above his head, leading to the body of a portly man "taking care of business" in the stall next to him. Yes, Jeff had landed with his head face up, poking under the stall barrier into the next unit.

In the process of falling, he also sliced open his hand which began bleeding profusely.

He makes it out after some time and heads to the elevator to go back to the room. The only problem is, there's a security guard who only grants access to the elevators to people with room keys. Conveniently, Jeff's room key is in the room.

So instead of going to the front desk to ask for a room key, as any sober man would do, drunk Jeff hides behind a pillar spying the elevator doors. When they ope he makes a dash passed the security guard into the elevator! Jeff manages to hit the "close door" button fast enough before security can reach him!

Once on the 22nd floor, Jeff, feeling a rumbly in his tumbly, decides to decorate the back stairwell with his own personal concoction of hydrochloric acid, vodka, and blueberry muffin. Once finished, he retires for the night, curled up in the fetal position, in the hallway in front of our room door.

Some time later he awakens to a security guard poking and nudging him with his foot.

Security: "Stand up"
Jeff: (Extending arms for help up)
Security: (seeing Bloody / Drunk Jeff) "is there a problem sir?"
Jeff: "I just wanna go inside..."

I don't know what happened from that point on, but when we arrived that night with our harem of guests for the night, Jeff's cloths were everywhere, his Driver's licence was halfway across the room with his wallet in another corner and his credit cards in another, pants are hanging on the lamp shade, the phone in the bathroom has blood on it...not exactly the ideal place to bring guests back to party.

Only in Vegas does Jeff not get arrested for the Drunken antics of the night.

Yes, I had a couple of mild adventures, but I think Jeff inadvertently topped us all!

Other Sin City Observations:

-You'd better trust your wife if she goes to Vegas without you, because a ring apparently doesn't mean anything to a lot of women in Vegas.

-The clubs are awesome, but you'd better be rolling with a harem of women if you want to get in anywhere crazy!

-Cirque Du Soleil is the most amazing production ever. I've seen two shows now and each one has been well worth the $100+ dollar ticket price.

Stay Tuned, Adventures in Sin City part II, starring ARUN!...coming soon.