Arun Gets Waxed...Hilarity Ensues

There's a reason Men don't give birth.

Women are somehow able to siphon a divine pain threshold that allows them to make it through the process. Apparently God also has a hand in waxing.

The night started promising. I went out to Rancho San Diego with my buddy Danny to have dinner and drinks at his family's place. The place, by the way is awesome. It's pretty far removed from San Diego, but has an awesome little cabana in the back, perfect for entertaining.

The lobster dinner is amazing, then we make our way to the blackjack table for some post dinner fun...apparently this was the opening act for the main event. I win BIG! 10 dollars! Things are going awesome!

Danny had mentioned to me that his Mom is a professional hairstylist and beautician. Me, seeing this as a good opportunity to get a professional opinion on if there is any way for me to actually get MORE handsome, decide to ask her opinion on what I should do about the crazy mop I have on my head these days.

Well, her professional hairstyling opinion extended beyond just the top of my head.

Next thing I know, she's talking about how much more amazing I'd look with "just a little bit of eyebrow waxing." Soon, all the women are remarking that a little work does wonders. Danny, seeing this as a grand opportunity to stir the pot, joins in on the wax encouragement.

I'm obviously resistant. As you regulars know I've already vehemently denied the opportunity to be waxed before. I continue to make brilliant arguments as to why I shouldn't get waxed.

Me: "I don't need to be any more handsome!"
"I think I might be allergic to wax!"
"My face gets cold in the winter!"

Doesn't fly. Eventually I figure out a good strategy. I'll just relent and agree to the waxing and then conveniently forget to make an appointment at her salon to have it done! GENIUS! They are no match for Arun's wit and cleverness!

I resume playing blackjack, when ten minutes later, Danny's Mom calls me into the kitchen! Yes! Must be time for dessert! I excitedly mosey in and sit down at the table. Then, I see my nightmare before me...a cold-waxing kit. Reema, Danny's cousin of our age, runs in. "This is too good to miss!" Wonderful.

I have no where to run and no where to hide, so I relent. I try to convince myself it will all be ok. "Hey, at least it's not that hot wax goop! Besides, I'm a MAN! I can take it easy!

Danny's Mom lines up the first strip. Reema is clenching my hand for "emotional support." Three...two...one...RRRRRIIIIPPPP!

Me: "YEEEEOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!"

The immediate sense of pain and shock threw my body into an involuntary spasm of discomfort. Meanwhile, everyone in the adjacent room erupted in laughter at my vocal projections.

I knew I wouldn't be able to get through this without some "assistance." I scanned the kitchen. Tequila. YES!...No, wait...I need something more powerful. More Potent. Something that will take me to a happy place and dull the pain. Then I spotted it. Glorious! Radiating warmth and happiness; mine for the taking!

A Giant Costco Cookie.

Now I know normally I'm an advocate of healthy eating but desperate times call for desperate measures.

So there I was, giant cookie in one hand, Reema's hand in the other as Danny's Mom lined up the next strip. Everyone began to trickle in to watch the spectacle. Girls remarked what a difference it was making. Guys laughed and said I looked the same. I was the center of attention.

Now usually I'm all for being the center of attention. But I like to earn it with my wit and charm as opposed to my cowering yelps of pain. It didn't help that before each ensuing strip, Reema would squeeze the life out of my hand and exclaim, "Oooooh, this ones gonna really hurt!" Gee, real great "emotional support" there Reema. The anticipation is actually worse than the stripping itself.

So for the rest of the time, I had to deal with eruptions of laughter with each strip, and then side commentary as to how I'm taking it, and how I'm looking. When it was over, I took a gander at the mirror. Hey! I actually look a little sharper than before! (Yes, believe it or not, I became even more devilishly good looking! :)

So the evening turned out OK. I won ten bucks (yeah!), ate a hearty meal plus a delicious cookie (MMM MMM!), and got a free eyebrow wax (....). Was it worth it? I wouldn't go that far. Sure I looked better, but the procedure was...well...not exactly ideal. Would I do it again? Probably not. I'm not that metro and the difference was minimal.

I've heard some men get "Brazilian bikini waxing." My God that's unbelievable. You'd have to tie me down. And forget the Costco cookie...I'd need a wedding cake.