Fantastic Fanatical Fan Rant

Rule number 255 in "Arun's Guide to Lifetime Awesomeness": The Kansas City Chiefs, KC Royals, Las Angeles Lakers (except when Michael Jordan played for the Bulls), are the best sports teams EVER in their respective sports. Pete Sampras is the best tennis player ever (unless playing a Grand-Slamless Goran Ivanisevic) and Golf is only watchable when Tiger Woods is playing.

In general, sports is only interesting to me if I can be a fan. I never watch college basketball until March Madness, since I do a bracket with my friends which automatically makes me a fan of the teams I pick.

But TRUE fandom is proudly sticking behind your team through thick and thin and NOT just coming out of the woodwork when they're winning.

Growing up in Alaska, everyone was either Cowboys or Packers fans (since Alaska carries no professional sports teams). I would guarantee that this year, the best selling football jerseys belong to the New England Patriots. Apparently the Texans and Wisconsinites were forced out of Alaska by the influx of New Jersyans who just discovered Alaska.

Here, San Diego has it's fair share of die hard fans, but there are also a number of "new" fans who've decided to jump on the bandwagon.

No one can question my fandom. Despite the fact that I dislike baseball, I'm an overt supporter of the Kansas City Royals (and by "overt supporter," I mean I don't watch any games, but I check the standings every now and then, and wear my Royals hat on occasion).

So what you ask?

So what, is the Royals are possibly the statistically worst team in baseball over the last decade and a half! Being a Royals fan is like voting for Ralph Nader in a Presidential election. Sure you may want him to win, but you know there's no way in hell it's happening!

And then there's by beloved Kansas City Chiefs. Oh they who control my Sunday afternoon mood. Every football Sunday, I wake up with butterflies in my stomach, pumped for the game! The night before opening day, I have trouble sleeping because I'm so excited!

Since I've watched football, they've never won a playoff game. NEVER! Do you know what that does to a fan like me? Being a fan is probably like smoking cigarettes. Every loss takes 18 minutes off my life.

Even worse are the close wins. Fourth quarter, tie score, and my blood pressure is through the roof...A last second field goal to win the game! ELATION! I jump up and down, high five people I don't know, and throw "air punches of fury." This emotional yo-yoing cannot be healthy.

I used to be much worse though. If the Chiefs lost an important game, I'd mope around all day (and sometimes a couple of days if it was a playoff loss). Luckily, the Chiefs have gotten me accustomed to dealing with loss. My recovery time is now about a half hour of moping, then I'm fine the rest of the day.

But a true fan like me, sticks behind his team despite finishing a novel 4-12. He supports the ownership even though the General Manager who promised a "five year plan" to the Superbowl is in year 15 with the organization. A true fan overlooks the fact that my head coach says scoring too many points is "Arena Ball stuff." Yes, as a true fan, I make it a point to hang out with similarly true fans.

Last weekend, I joined a bunch of my Seattle Seahawk Fan Friends, to watch the Seahawks face the Packers. Everyone reacts the same (in varying degrees) to great plays from their own team: Jumping, elated yells of joy, high fiving, chest bumping, broken glass, and punching (ok, maybe they're a different breed of fan, but you've heard about these guys before).

When the Seahawks started losing though, it was interesting to see the different reactions.

One guy wouldn't stop complaining about every possible way in which the Seahawks got screwed....and I mean EVERY POSSIBLE WAY. "THE REFS ARE F**KING TERRIBLE! THE PACKERS ARE SO LUCKY OUR GUYS ARE HURT! WHO DECIDED THIS SHOULD BE A SATURDAY GAME ANYWAYS! WE'RE NOT RESTED! HOW CAN THEY EXPECT US TO WIN ON A FIELD KEPT IN THIS KIND OF CONDITION! COLLINSWORTH IS THE WORST COMMENTATOR EVER! WHO THE F**K FINISHED THE DORITOS!"

Then their was Steve and Brooks who took on the "sullen look of acceptance." They complained a little, but then just got quiet.

Justin, aka The Magician, is my personal favorite. He just disappears. He's so big of a fan, that when the game gets close, he can't watch. Last season, I remember he went for a run in the middle of the fourth quarter of a playoff game. A couple of weeks ago he vanished. Gone. Phone off. Incommunicado. Turns out he drunkenly walked home and watched the end of the game in silence at his house.

The external stimuli was too much for him.

Last week, he was pacing outside. Every now and then, I'd see him sneak up to the window to take a peak, then dejectedly sneak away.

Some people tried to give the poor guy the "there's always next year" speech to make him feel better. I wish it worked. I repeat it to myself every year.